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How to handle being stonewalled

Community Member
I am in a relationship with a female.
Her defensive mechanism when she is overwhelmed is to shut down/ stonewall.

I am dealing with my own depression and anxiety, and I want more then anything to be there for her.

I have never experienced being stonewalled or shut out.

How do I handle the situation when I am being stonewalled?
20 Replies 20

Hi Noharmstartingover

I think Jsua has made some really valid points about relationships and the importance of your needs, which I want to echo.

My daughter has a chronic mental illness and I’ve supported her for about 10 years since she first fell ill. She is now in her early twenties and has had a few partners.

What I’ve observed is that some of them, while being wonderful people, just weren’t good for her mental health and, as a consequence, these people are no longer in her life. Hard decisions, sometimes sad decisions, but necessary decisions.

At the end of the day, you need to do what’s best for you. In my book mental health always comes first because no job, person, study or anything else is worth jeopardising good mental health for.

You have done nothing wrong. You’ve been patient and understanding. Your partner is doing what she needs to do for herself and may be oblivious to the impact on you.Right now it seems as though you both have valid but competing needs.

It’s okay to do what’s best for you.

Kind thoughts to you