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How to end relationship?

iusedtobefamous
Community Member

Please help. I need to end my relationship. We have been together for 2 and a half years now but I can't do it anymore. He is wonderful. But I don't have the capacity to be in a relationship now. My depression and anxiety are getting worse, and the relationship is not helping. I feel so guilty all the time. This isn't the relationship he signed up for. I can't go anywhere anymore, I don't like him coming over because it makes me feel so on edge. We haven't had sex in over 6 months because my body is so wrecked from stress and meds that it's the last thing I want to do.

I care about him very much and although he insists he is, I do not think he is happy in the relationship. I feel like it's too much pressure on me at the moment.

I have never had to do this before and I don't know where to start. Please help me.

7 Replies 7

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi famous, welcome

Firstly, if you are intent on breaking it off there is no easy way to do it fairly and honorably than face to face. He deserves that approach.

But I wonder, if your illness is getting you down so much that you need to revisit your GP or psychiatrist before you make that move.?

Your choice. But please dont break it off with SMS, phone or facebook etc.

Repost if you feel you need support

Tony WK

Hi Tony, thanks for the reply. I am regularly seeing my gp and psychologist. I am seeing my psych tomorrow so am holding off until then. I just don't feel it's fair to him to keep him in this 'relationship' - it's hardly a real one. I am never well enough to spend time with him, I hardly even talk now. Most days i am non verbal and some days I can't even collect my thoughts enough to text. He deserves better than that. I don't think he would tell me if he wanted to leave. I think he would feel too guilty.

Hi famous

Then you have IMO been on the right track, seeking your psychs counseling and chatting here.

The processes of decision making with big decisions especially when it involves the emotions of another person is a very big deal. You have been unselfish in your pursuit of peace in your life and you are considerate, a wonderful quality.

We are here for you when ever you want to chat or give an update.

Hope I've helped.

Tony WK

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello famous, isn't depression the worst illness you could ever have, it can be different to other illness's, although they are also terrible, mental illness is such a mystery as the person suffering is the only person who knows what is happening and how they feel, it's like being locked in a room all by yourself.
It seems as though you need time alone, and I don't think he would mind if you tell him that you need help, but can only do it if you are by yourself, tell him you're sorry and I think he will understand, this doesn't mean that you are breaking it off, and would appreciate talking to him when you want to. Geoff.

Thank you both for your support.

Hi iusedtobefamous,

Thanks for your post.

I just have a couple of suggestions for you to think about;

- Make sure that you want to end the relationship. I say this because as someone who has struggled with depression I can relate to the feeling of thinking it isn't the relationship they signed up for. I often felt like a burden and that I was just a big weight; and that he deserved better. Your partner/boyfriend (not sure of the title you use) has the capacity and capability to end the relationship if he wants to; you don't need to make that decision for him. Make it for you.

- Consider talking with him first. I'm not sure if you've done this yet but I really encourage it. Share your concerns and fears. There may be a middle ground like taking a break, or maybe there could be mutual feelings in ending the relationship. Even though ending the relationship is your decision I feel like I would want to be sure and knowing how he's feeling may help. I also hope that talking to the psychologist helps.

- If you decide to end the relationship, do talk to him about it anyway. This is not your fault and not his either. The only solid advice that I have is do it in person and never by text.

Jessicatherese94
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi iusedtobefamous, I agree with what everyone has said above. Make sure that you are ending this relationship for the right reasons. A good reason to end a relationship is because they are treating you badly or the relationships is making you happy, not because you don't want to burden the person or because you think they deserve better than you. Remember that you deserve love, a good relationship and to be happy.