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How to break up with someone who is a danger to themselves

Emma819
Community Member

Hi I want to break up with my long term boyfriend (live in) as I feel like we should be friends. However I am afraid he will hurt himself if I do as I have gone to before and he has not taken it well.

help I feel so stuck.

3 Replies 3

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Emma, I understand your predicament, perhaps since the last time you left him have circumstances changed an awful lot that would make you feel better in doing so, or has his attitude towards you seem to be different, what I'm trying to say is that now maybe completely different than last time.
What you have to do first and foremost is to look after yourself.
What your b/friend does is his own concern and that's where he needs to get help, because now you only want to be friends with him, your life is just as important if not more than his is, you can't restrict your own life to suit him, because if you do then you may end up being in the same position as he is, we don't want that to happen.
If you have asked him to seek medical advice and he hasn't then there's not much you can do, so if you want to leave then do so, which means that this friendship may eventually end.
Don't be held back, it's your life you must look after. Geoff.

Emma819
Community Member
Thank you Geoff.

Hello Emma

Welcome to the forum. Lovely to meet you.

Breaking up with your partner can be difficult. Geoff is right saying you cannot be responsible for other people's actions. If you feel the relationship has changed it's OK to say so. If he is indeed a danger to himself then he needs to get help. You cannot stay with him out of sympathy. In fact it would be damaging to both of you to do this.

You say you and the BF live together. I think it would be very hard to live in the same place with someone who has said they just want to be friends. Have you considered one or other person moving out? I don't know the setup of your living arrangements and who pays the rent etc. This needs to be sorted out. After all, if he had decided to separate but stayed in the same house as you, how would you feel? It's tricky.

I understand that you feel some responsibility for the BF's actions because you think you have caused them, but this is not true. He is responsible for himself. He may be very disappointed you have split up but it's his decision what to do about it.

Sorting out the living arrangements is a priority. It will give a clear break between you so that you can continue your own, separate lives.

Mary