How to be part of the treatment when my son is 18 yo and has BPD and refuse to talk to me.

[vivgun]

it was a huge shock to know my son checked himself into hospital for BPD and I had no idea. What’s more frustrating is that because he turned 18 in that week all the hospital staff cannot receive me if he doesn’t give consent. After he came home we arranged Psychologist started DBT but me and my husband cannot even enquire about any progress or event talk to the psychologist wo my son’s written consent. Watching him continue to struggle and taking meds that we can only pay for but not knowing what they are the helplessness and confusions are unbearable. How can we establish connections with his GP and theropist so that we can be part of the support. After all we are the people who care about him the most!  Advices and help pls. Viv. 

[Banksy92]

Hello vivgun,

This must be really difficult for your family to go through, the timing of his adulthood definitely has created some hurdles for you and your husband but that doesn't mean you can't still be a supportive part of the process.

I would suggest working on your relationship with your son and finding a way to be there for him more in an emotional sense. If he is not wanting to give consent for you to see the formal details right now, this may change in future if you establish trust in the meantime. BPD can be a long and difficult road, so just take it slow and focus on being there for him for now.

Have you spoken to him about wanting his consent? Perhaps when this specific event has settled and you can see he is in a stronger place, that is a better time to tackle the conversation. Just listen to their reasoning and take it on board for now, no need to challenge them. Be open minded and respectful of their perspective, as our mental health is a very personal experience and for many of us, having ownership over it when things feel out of control is an important thing to hold on to.

[Sophie_M]

Hi vivgun,

Thank you so much for sharing this here. We can hear you're a really caring parent, and you are finding this news difficult.

It is so hard to know how best to support someone - hopefully there is some useful information for you here - we have a set of articles that may be useful for you. Our advice is to be gentle with yourself, it sounds like you are doing the best you can in a really tough situation.

It’s also really important to check in with yourself while you’re going through this, so it might be good to have a look at our pages on looking after yourself while supporting someone. There’s a really useful part about how it can affect relationships which might be useful to you, too. A really important one of those is reaching out - the Beyond Blue counsellors are here for you if you’d like to talk this through on 1300 22 4636, or via online chat. It is so important that you look after yourself during these times and they can help you, or just be there if you want to talk.

Thanks again for sharing here. We really appreciate your kindness and openness in sharing here on the forums, so we hope you can be kind to yourself also through this time.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M