How do you negotiate child custody with a personality disorder

[Pheenstar]

Hi everyone, im neil

im abdad and my partner or ex has a lovely BPD, i joined up beyond blue about 9 months ago, but was posring somewhere alse until i got banned yesterday for trying to exchange details so i can help him out, its a forum focused more on the personality disorders and not so much the mental illness, so a shout out to the carers and the real people over there, im going to miss your beautiful reading and your support and when i got time will sneak back there for a hello, i need the forums though so i want to keep posting

so i been with this disorder now 6 years and we have 2 kids 4.5 yrs and 21 month boys, i have only known about disorders since septemberand before that all i knew was she was crazy, stupid and just keep away from her unless you want to be systematically abused mentallity and leave when you think the kids can handle it.. Now im a carer of sorts to a disorder that has no meaning and are starting negotiations of child custody so we can split and try to stop the abuse, i have tried everything and it cant be stopped, It is unstopable you can say. I dont blame her,, its just one of those things, but it is not her now, i wouldnt even say i reconize it as human, That one little place in her mind has completly taken over all rational, and now she is a disorder. Me being me will be there for her probably forever and as we have kids will try and keep them safe and mentally prepared and up for what they go through and what they are about to... For me now its about stopping the abuse... i need a break and to feel sanity, i have been so focused and getting the kids right and getting her help, which doesnt come as she is more against help and protecting this thing than anything i have ever encounted, She has seen my psychologist who is very good once and hopefully will keep going, but after being told all sorts of bad advice and what to do, Its now what i thought and now confirmed that you cant fix this sort of thing, He knows shhe is what she is and there aint a dam thing he can do or say to protect me or children or help her unless its her doing all the work really and with a disorder thats the one thing it definelty can not and will not do... I still feel good but i know the abuse must stop and she is looking for a place to live and then i sell up.

[blondguy]

Hi Pheenstar

I dont know what you mean by 'a lovely BPD'

If you have a question we can try to help you out with an answer.....no worries at all

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Neil~

I've read your post from October and now these two here. While I think I understand that you are having a family dispute involving children I'm afraid I'm a little unclear as to the details.

As Paul has said we would always like to help. Could you tell us a little more clearly what is happening at the moment and if there is anything you'd like from us?

Thanks

Croix

[Sophie_M]

Hi Neil, thanks for posting again on the forum.  We can see that you posted back in October on a similar issue, and received some support from our community then, but we didn't hear back from you.

We're going to close this thread and would encourage you to return to your earlier thread, read the response there, and keep updating us with how things are going.

It's so funny now but five weeks before reality hits story

[Pheenstar]

So my partner or ex partner has undiagnozed BPD and as everything keeps falling apart for us, i cant get her to realize there is anything even the matter and we have 2 young kids to protect.. So as she moves out trying to discuss anything really, but especially the children is not working.. i could agree to anything and it still not work. I have to wait for a mountain of abuse to be played out before a totally un realistic thought is reached, and i know its coming, so i can just say, thats probably not fair.. i am also still trying to work out my own diagnosis and while a lot of BPD people and partners etc refer to the person as having a BPD, I KINDA feel, that there is no person there, just the disorder, Sounds rough but i only know the disorder, i have never met the actual person, And protects itself against diagnosis. I 100% on this to, unless i trigger it, but it seems to be never depressed and not doing anything that would blow you down in a day or two but it just virtually solely focuses the same abuse and the same patterns from day 1.. Does this make sence to anyone, it is hard to explain,

[Pheenstar]

I thought this post was pulled, ive changed approached completely on how i talk to her, as before, fighting fire with more fire didnt get anywhere and is not the acceptable way

[Pheenstar]

I have been posting on another forum, i got banned for tryimg to exchange emails

[Sophie_M]

Hi Pheenstar, thanks for posting again.

Just so you know, we have the same rules here on this forum about exchanging personal information.  To protect the privacy and anonymity of members, we don't allow the sharing of any information that could identify you, or facilitate personal offline contact of any kind.  This would include listing other websites or forums where you might also be posting.

We'll close this thread off now and would encourage you to continue the discussion in your earlier thread.