How do you know when it's time to leave?

[grt123]

I was married for over 30 years. I was as loyal as a Labrador and wouldn't let go no matter how bad things got. Then one day 'bing' - I was done. The trigger was insignificant - no argument or fireworks. It was like I'd been on a journey and I'd quietly pulled into the station.

[grt123]

Dear Mel

My husband had PTSD. He became grotesque - like a big, dangerous baby. I hoped things would get better. Then I hoped things wouldn’t get worse. And when I had no hope at all. I recall looking at the empty wine casks in the recycling and instead of despair, I felt satisfaction. I know that sounds cold but it’s honest. I saw no other way out.

Then suddenly, quite inexplicably something changed. It was like I’d woken up under water - I was frantic and couldn’t get out fast enough. I have no idea where the energy and resolve came from but it overwhelmed me.

Mel I don’t think there’s a pain free option unfortunately. It would be lovely to just sit and drink Pinot and cry on your girlfriend’s shoulders but ending a marriage is a time for action. Be prepared. I can assure you the transition is actually quite brief - maybe just a few weeks and it’s done. Go see a lawyer and have a chat - it costs around $350 and you’ll find it helpful and empowering. I can also assure you that taking action is like a tonic - it changes you. People will see the difference and you’ll feel it working almost immediately.

[demonblaster]

Hi Grt and all ☺

Great advice to Mel Grt.

I wonder but don't know if as you were saying along the yrs you went through the grieving the pain and kinda dealing and becoming stronger from it all by the sounds, maybe you had reached the point that you needed to be at to move further without remorse guilt etc.

Mel and anyone else you have a right to a better life and to be treated with the respect you deserve and not be put down shamed hurt controlled etc.

I've heard people have fear of being alone if they leave wh8ch is understandable it's frightening and hollow, maybe an option could be to arrange professional support who can connect you to support networks before hand potentially could make the landing softer.

Best to you all 🌿

🌱new beginnings

[grt123]

Thanks Demonblaster! Im afraid my last post was edited by the moderator and didn't make much sense afterwards - I'll be more careful next time!

Just Mel - I think Demonblaster is right. Professional counselling is very helpful and I accessed some sessions through my work EAP. If money is an issue, or safety, they can assist in putting you touch with services and networks that could give you support. I also found it sobering to hear my story back through someone else; I saw how some of my actions or beliefs really made no sense. For example the counsellor identified that pleasing my husband was still really important to me - that was something I needed to stop.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and good wishes.

[Just_Mel]

Hi grt123,

Thank you so much for your response. Apologies for not responding earlier, life gets in the way sometimes.

Your words and those of demonblaster have helped so much, and everything said makes so much sense, but I’m still struggling with actually going through with it. One day I’m so sure I can do it then the next I’m thinking maybe things will get better if I just give it a chance. Deep down I know it probably won’t, but there is just those few moments when you just think “maybe?”.

Anyway, thanks again for your response and time.

Apologies for hijacking your thread, your story just resonated with me.

Best of luck