How do i let the only bio-logical family I have left go?

[whiteXXwolf]

This is my first time writing on a forum so I'm not sure where to startand, unfortunately, i ran out of character very fast

I am 27 in under a month and I've been in a toxic environment my whole life. I grew up extremely poor with both parents heavily addicted to injecting methamphetamine among other drugs so I was constantly subject to a neglect, malnourishment, abuse and at both houses holds (if you could call them that) just in different ways. My biological mother split from my father when I was three years old shortly after giving birth to a daughter. At 13 my father returned to the state so I jumped ship straight away as i knew even at that age my mother didn't really want me. We lived in a horrible poor environment from 13 -14 moving constantly, hiding my father from the police, him not coming home for days, him and his friends stealing and pawning anything I had. But I still felt so much more loved around that than i ever did around my mother. When i was nearly 15 my father was sent to jail for a home invasion among other things so I was left living alone but was forced to return to my mother when I was kicked out. He got out about a year later and a few month later died and was once again abandoned as she didn't want me originally and this was just more for her so I was left living alone at 16. I had dropped out school after that as I didnt have a place to live let alone worry about school. I had a hard 8 years but decided i wouldnt become them and started to study to go to university after 5-6 years of trying i was finally accepted to one in a diffent state so I packed up and moved asap, and a month before i was to start i had a seizure and broke my back in a place i knew noone. I was in hospital for a long time and not one person called to see if I was alive, could walk, nothing. I knew then that noone loved me but kept denying it as i didnt want to see the truth.

There is so much more and so much more she has done to me but I couldn't write it.

I dont have any friends and shes the last of my family so I guess i keep trying to ignore all the things she's done and pretend they havnt happened or arnt as bad as they are. She recently betrayed me again after I tried to reconcile with her and i think that was the last I coud take. I dont think I love her anymore, I just dont know how to let go because its the last thing I have and ive tried so hard for so long to make it work even though i know shes evil and its wrong.

[ElisaP]

I feel for you. You have had a lot of hard stuff to deal with.

I can suggest to you is to get into a regular support group. Do an internet search. For instance, Codependents Anonymous is for people who come from dysfunctional families. There is also in some countries (am not sure about Australia) Alcoholics Anonymous or Children of Alcoholics Anonymous, for people who have been raised in unhealthy toxic environments.

I can recommend the book: "Leaving Home" by P Celani. It does not actually give steps on how to improve one's situation, it does detail just why it is that our families can screw us up so very much. The psychological hold that they have on you: the strange pull that messed up parenting actually has on adult children. Ironically, and tragically, not being loved or supported keeps you locked in psychologically trying to always get it. Even if the adult is functional enough to live away from their family, they can still carry the damage and repeat these relationships .

But also, maybe even get involved with some sort of volunteering role where you can in fact try to help people who are in similar situations to you or who are where you used to be. Give other people what you wish people had done for you and honor yourself that way. Maybe build up relationships with some remarkable people who could be like surrogate family members for you -there may be some in those sorts of roles helping people.

I do know that,according to that book I mentioned, it is crucial to get a surrogate family or a support network that can act like one, in order for a person to finally break free from the past issues with their family. This was stated in that book pretty strongly, and I personally found it to be very true: I was locked into an unconscious unhealthy pattern that I could not even see or break out of, until I was fortunate enough to be among a group of people, who like a good family, gave me a place where I could feel unconditionally accepted. It was amazing. Those people are so strongly in my heart and they got me through so much dark times.

It's like that movie "Million Dollar Baby", in that family really is not blood. Family is who you feel you are able to be you around and feel unconditionally accepted and loved by. You can find this out in the world.

Lastly, for me the Harry Potter books are comforting . I believe these are about going from not being accepted or loved in your family to finding it outside.