Horrible monster in a close cousin is back

[cookyboy12]

I have been very close with my cousin. For 3 years he's been well. But in Sept after living with my mum the monster in him emerged again. He became a different person leading up to starting to sending nasty texts as a means to deal with seemingly easy issues, drinking increased, etc. Initially mum was patient but texts wouldn't stop, so she told him he had the choice to be respectful or maybe he had friends who had better accommodation deals. He chose the latter. Because he brought his apparently new gf to 'supervise' I went there. A lot has been happening and I could've handled it better. This year's been s*** and he knows it, with a lot of grief going on and adding to my depression/anxiety, he hurt me alot, especially after being there for him and he treated my mum the way he did. So I told him to seek help with a psych before contacting me again. When he's well he's great, but now that the horrible monster is in him, I'm finding it really hard. So I tried contacting him because my neurosurgeon is sending me for an angiogram, he hangs up and sends a message that he doesn't know when he'll talk as he's a lot going on and not to contact him blah blah blah. This has just set me off again. Right now I'm pretending he doesn't even exist, which is the only way I can think of.

[BballJ]

Hi cookyboy12,

I am sorry to read about what you are dealing with, dealing with anyone family or friend who you know is suffering and not themselves is always tough and you have done the right things by suggesting they need to seek professional help if you think that is what is required. The hard part is you cannot control if they go or not and I know it hurts so much but at the same time you can only focus on what you can control and that is looking after yourself and your mum. In time your cousin may come around and realise what he is doing is not correct but it is so hard to help someone if they do not want to help themselves. I am sorry to be putting it bluntly and I am not trying to come across that way. As I said however look after yourself but still keep supporting your cousin and letting them know you are there for them if they need you. Maybe have a read of the support someone section of these forums, simply scroll to the top of the fact and under the section called "The facts" there is another section called support someone, have a read through there.

My best for you and your family,

Jay

[cookyboy12]

Thanks Jay, no you didn't come across too blunt. The monster in my cuz has emerged before and has retreated when he came around again, in a way it's easier because I've put in some strategies so that it doesn't affect my husband and kids. In another way it's hard because he and I have been there to help each other out and I can't believe that after helping him with having access to his kids, doing the first couple of uni assignments, etc (even been there for him twice before when he was suicidal) that he can do this again. It's as if life is cheap to him and it's not the cousin I once knew. It's like someone's died but they haven't really.

[BballJ]

Hi cookyboy12,

I understand what you are saying, understanding why they are doing this is one of the hardest things. You can only help someone so much as well, but I think as much as it may feel one sided, being there for them is still a must I think, they are still family and hopefully they come around again. I wish I had better advice to offer you but keep supporting them as best as you can.

My best,

Jay

[cookyboy12]

Thanks Jay, Of course if he comes around I'll be there for him and I really hope he does. I must admit that my reaction to him the other week could've been better. It was just out of hurt and not long after seeing the neurosurgeon. Which was really stressful.