Hi, my name is Pipsy and I am nearly 64. I've been married nearly 25 years and I'm so fed-up and down in the dumps. Can anyone help? please.

pipsy · ‎30-10-2014

I was abused my by own family as a child and now I feel as though it's starting again. My husband knows about my past but says I have to 'rise above it', easy for him. His parents have been very nasty to me and I feel everytime he visits them (often), he's rewarding them for hurting me. I've tried to explain this to him, but he 'switches' off. What can I do to overcome this 'betrayal' feeling?

dougall · ‎30-10-2014

Hi, you have made a good start by posting your story on this forum as there are many helpful stories that relate. I'm not quite sure what to suggest just letting you know people are listening.

Indigo77 · ‎30-10-2014

Hello Pipsy,...you have reached out already by posting on here...great start...

I personally would talk to my GP, and ask for a referral to see a clinical psychologist or or counselling psychologist who is a professional in abuse as you have been through..

Again there is also similar people who have been through what you have on here and maybe able to give more advise...

What ever you decide good luck

Indigo77

dougall · ‎31-10-2014

Hi pipsy how are you doing today?

geoff · ‎31-10-2014

dear Pipsy, welcome to the site.

Well I'm 60 now, and I hope that I don't say anything which may upset you, because that's certainly not my intention.

There are times when the marriage seems to have run it's course, and by no means am I suggesting this to happen, but when your husband takes delight in criticising you or demeaning you to his parents it doesn't sound to be fair.

It's impossible to 'get over it', it just won't and doesn't happen, it's never that easy, never has been nor never will be in the short term future, especially as you were abused as a child and probably never resolved, so it's a lot to have to carry by yourself.

I'm not sure whether your family is still alive, but I'll leave that up to you whether you want to mention this, I'm sure it has been a terrible weight to carry.

I would love to hear back from you, as I'm sure there is so much you may want to discuss. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎31-10-2014

Hi, Geoff, many thanks for answering me. You have really understood how I feel, I'm so grateful. My parents are both dead now, my brother (the abuser) is still alive, but I don't know where he is, nor do I want to. You're right, the situation at home was never resolved. I do love my husband, but because his answer is 'rise above it', it's difficult. I am going to see my G.P today to get a referral for a counsellor, but being able to discuss it here helps. I'm feeling a bit more positive today. As time goes by, I will talk to you, hope that's o.k. Luv P

pipsy · ‎31-10-2014

Pipsy here. Went to the Dr's, got a referral to see a counsellor. Have rung to make an appointment so see what happens now. My husband has said he will go with me but I'd rather he didn't yet as I couldn't say too much in front of him. He's so protective of his parents, it would be counter-productive to take him. My brother got away with abusing me for years, mum turned a 'blind eye', dad was an alcoholic. My feelings about my in-laws are that my husband condons them the way my mum condoned my brother. When my mum died, she left everything to my brother, talk about favouritism.

geoff · ‎01-11-2014

dea

geoff · ‎01-11-2014

dear Pipsy, sorry about the funny 3 letter reply above.

Can I just say what happened with me, which I have posted on other comments, and appreciate that you may not have read them.

I too was married for 25 years, and and divorced in '02, tried to take my own life in '95, used alcohol as self medicating, but now just a social drinker and have been since ? '03 or '04, my wife said she couldn't help me any more with my depression and hated my drinking, and the latter I can well and truly accept, that's why I only drink socially now, I loved her then and still love her now.

We still talk and see each other now, as I invited her to a small group to celebrate my 60th as well as my twin ( fraternal) and has never had depression nor does he have OCD like I do.

If life was only as simple as a two paragraph statement, but we all know it can't be, because so many anomalies branch out from it. lol

It's great to talk to you, and yes please I will look for your post.

Good luck and take care. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎02-11-2014

Hi Geoff, thank you for your open honesty about your suicide attempt. I attempted suicide earlier this year. Rather foolish looking back as all it did was create more problems. My father in-law decided I should just take an anti-depressant or see my local church councilor. My Dr has said anti-depressants are not the answer in my case, counciling will help. My husband L has said he too will seek counciling unfortunately I don't believe him as up until now, he claims he doesn't need it. Like you I turned to drink early in my life, but now just enjoy the odd drink. My in-laws are the main cause of our problems because my husband believes that because they're in their 80's they have the right to say and do as they like. If they had Alzheimers or Dementia, I could accept it more readily, but they don't. They're just rude and ignorant. My husband simply can't see it. Thank you for being there. P