Hi again - Part 1

[24yearoldgirl]

Hi again, it's me 24yearoldgirl.. I'm now 26.

My last post was about breaking away from my mother, after being her carer for pretty much my whole youth. I've always considered my mother's needs and bended my own situation to fit her needs, helping with the cost of rent, and bills, food etc. taking on tasks such as cleaning, cooking, shopping, and medical assistance when she was ill or out of hospital.  

Around 3 months ago, I left my mum. I managed to achieve getting a job that I liked, and was staying with a flatmate, and felt more confident. 

During this time, my mum was sleeping in the car, as we have always shared rentals and the cost of living together, for my entire upbringing. While I was happy in my new job, I got news that my mum would be going into a major operation at hospital and needed urgent accommodation. 

And so yes, of course I left my job, flew back to help her, and we found a new rental together. 2 months ago, mum had her major surgery (removal of a non-cancerous tumor, and total abdominal hysterectomy).

She was lucky to survive her operation, as she also survived her head injury many years ago.

The problem is: I have been there for her through everything, and yet received abuse from her when she would drink alcohol most nights. 6 weeks after her recovery, she started to open the bottles of wine again, resulting in her calling me a stupid little bit*h, slurry*, and would film me crying. I have grown up with forms of abuse, manipulation and her threatening to hit me in the face, at her doing. And if I ever reacted, she would call me crazy, and even call the cops with footage of me yelling or crying and say that I'm meant to be a carer. 

Does she have a mental illness, or am I being controlled by her, willing to help her every time? 

[geoff]

Hello 24yearoldgirl, thanks for your post, and to an answer your question we aren't able to diagnose your mum, however, from what you have told us being called those names is disrespectful for what you have been doing to help her, and secondly there should be no reason why she had to sleep in the car and it seems as though she has got what she was aiming for.

To call the cops when you are trying to help her and have reacted towhat she's doing is not fair on what you have been trying to do, so I would believe that she certainly needs to talk with her doctor and perhaps as a carer you are entitled to be with her in this discussion.

What she decides to drink is totally her decision, but it may be against her doctors opinion, but if she changes personality while drinking then this does need to be talked about with a psych, and even if she refutes this, the psych will gather what's happening.

You have left your job and had to move back in with her and that's a detriment to your own feelings and how you react, so at first, you need to look after yourself, try and get your job back or a new job, because you can't achieve what you want by living with your mum and her performing like she has been doing.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[24yearoldgirl]

Thanks Geoff. What you say is very true, my mum has never wanted help from support such as NDIS or family counselling. She was in the car because she says she'd rather save her money than pay for a tent site, or a shared room etc. hmm.

I've tried to apply for work since moving back with mum, there hasn't been much available, being a smaller town. I have however, managed to get my learners license, after passing a written test! My second driving lesson is tomorrow, so that is a huge achievement for me!

I'm trying to stay positive, mum got through her operation at least. Most of the time we are fine at home together, it's usually the alcohol that affects her of a night. 

I still can leave next year. There's a lot to think about over the next month. 

Wishing everyone a Merry Xmas and happy holidays 🙂