Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

[ChronicLearner]

Hi All,

I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have just moved into a new place. We have a puppy and a cat together and have been mostly happy for the 4 years with a few ups and downs as all relationships have.

My partner has suffered from depression for the last 10 years and it hasnt been the most well managed either. He recently just told me he had been diagnosed with biploar as well.

In the last 6 months, my partner has changed friendship groups and I have noticed more of a change in him such as, prioritising them, doing drugs often and going away on boys weekends.

He told me out of the blue this week he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore, as in our lives together but he still loves me, he just wants to make sure he knows 100% sure he wants our life. I was completely shocked as this was so out of the blue.

i feel like I am in limbo at the moment, do I wait for him to know he wants us 100% or do I leave assuming he doesn’t want us. I’m so lost and upset with what to do.

Any advice or extra information needed, please let me know

[demonblaster]

Good glad youre in touch with a mate of his & helping.

Awful situation to be in & the more he does drugs the morehe'll be distancing from good people in his life without realising

Just wondered if you think an i tervention vould help. Something will need to be done sooner than later with drugs being involved

Very good him being away you certainly need this time to think poor darl.

Good you are, keep us tuned hun xx

[ChronicLearner]

Hi guys,

Thanks so much for your support. He decided to leave me the other night so trying to deal with all this at the moment.

Appreciate all the advice!

[demonblaster]

Ahhh darl (( )) pfffttt raw deal really sorry for your grief.

Talk here anytime you feel upnto it.

Here for ya

[BruceW1]

Hi ChronicLearner,

Im new to this forum. I googled "feeling lost", and somehow ended up here. I dont know really know what I want to say to you, or even why I am siting here doing this instead of trying to get to sleep. But i guess somethings you said resonated with me. Im currently away with my partner to celebrate our 4yr anniversary. She suffers from depression as well, and we both have anxiety/substance issues.. it gets really messy. We go out to have a drink to unwind and then things get out of hand and spiral out of control. I've never met anyone who has been in my position, to be in love with someone with serious mental health issues. I've never spoken to anyone who understands how painful it is for the person you love to be so messed up that they say the most hurtful things to you, out of the blue. It feels so lonely and scary and helpless.... so many times I've wondered if there are other people out there, going through something similar, who understands what this feels like. Well, it sounds like you have been going through something similar, and for what its worth i just want u to know that I understand how you feel, at least a little bit.

We are still together thankgod, but so many times i have imagined how i would feel if she did leave me. I can only imagine how hurt and confused and abandoned you must feel right now. But just know that no matter what happened, its not your fault. Its mental illnesses fault. Which is a problem that society at large has to find a way to solve. Your pain just makes you another victim to this societal problem, which sucks. But your life goes on, and in time you will find a way to be ok with everything that has happened. In the meantime just allow yourself to feel the pain but know that time heals all wounds. Hope your doing ok

[demonblaster]

Hi chronic hope you're finding your way, give yourself time hun & dont be hard on yourself this is his choice & his heads not in a good place atm. From sounds of it its not a reflection on you.

Bruce welcome, good post & clearly you were meant to land here, great place good prople.

Im sorry bout your sitation sounds like a worry.

If you're interested in doing a thread you could use parts of your above post if you want or add stuff up to you, you may get some more support & coping advice also wondering if your gf may like to join here too, a lot of varied insightful threads good people who get it

All best to you all

[ChronicLearner]

Bruce, I am so sorry your feeling that way, you know I mean it when I say I know how you feel.

Keep strong and know that your doing the right thing, those hard times for you are when your partner needs you most!

[ChronicLearner]

Hi guys,

Sorry I have been MIA the last couple of days. So my partner (now ex) has gone overseas for 3 weeks (something that has been booked for a while) with some mates, who unfortunately I don't think are the best influences for him to be hanging around with, but I cant say too much about that.

If anything, we have been speaking more since he has been gone compared to the week leading up to him going. He is telling me he is struggling over there and his head is a mess because he is trying to work out when he wants in life, he says he feels empty. One minute he tells me how much he misses our cat and puppy (they mean the world to him) and then last night he tells me he feels completely empty thinking about them.

I am trying to support him the best I can, I just don't want to say the wrong thing because he is finally opening up to me. I know if I am not there for him, he will feel like he has no one, and I do still love him but it is very hard! He does not talk to the boys he is with, but I am actually happy about that, because they will not give him help him in any way (the boys who are encouraging the drugs). Mental illness really effects everyone, even the support person, it is such a difficult situation and I just want the best for him, ideally I would love to continue our lives together, but if that is not what he needs right now, I just want what he needs.

[demonblaster]

Hey darl sounds good that hes still talking with you, soundi ng like there's still something there from him.

Doesnt sound ideal him being o/s with them, at least the trips not permanent

I understand you not wanting to say wrong thing but sounds atm like you're the only stable influence in his life so id be still trying to steer him in right direction.

Quite a load on you atm, here's hoping he gets back on track. The Rd will be harder the longer he leaves it

He's lucky he has you

☺

[ChronicLearner]

Thanks love, I hope he realises that and knows hes not alone! He is my world, just wish he had the same value in himself.

[demonblaster]

Pleasure

Yeah the drugs would be taking reasonout of his thinking

Thats one of the reasons good fornyou to remind him.

Do you tell him what he means to you? That you love him so much. I imagine yes. Good idea