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Elsam
Community Member

My husband and I have been together nearly 24 years and married 13 yrs!
There are major trust issues as I caught him on 3 internet dating sites looking for a discreet sexual relationship back in 2008. His excuses that it was only a game but he had emails and photos of women and had said in emails he was going to meet up with them! He still will not admit to meeting up with women.
After that he promised me he could be trusted and that he was honest! Then I caught him going past a brothel saying to his friend how could he go in there with his work shirt on!
There have been so many lies that he cannot remember his lies!
His job is a major problem as he is out on the road all day and says he will not leave his job! I assume because he wants his freedom to cheat on me!!
When he started this job he promised me that he would only be on the road 1 day per week, now he is out and about all day every day!
I never know where he is or who he is with? I cannot live with this doubt all the time as it only causes the trust issues all the time and causes huge arguments.
I love him and have always made all the effort in our marriage even though he says he loves me, I do not believe him because he doesn't show me he loves me. There is no intimacy or affection! We do not have children!
He is a narcissist and seems to be a sociopath! We have no real friends and no social life, he doesn't take me out and expects me to go out on my own all the time. I cannot sit at home 7 days and nights per week! We do not see his family or my family because of him. I tell him to go and see his family so he can't blame me for not seeing them but he makes no effort. I have told him a thousand times I am bored, that there is no spark in our marriage anymore because of him.
We have been together so long and I do not want to walk away without trying everything first!

Even if if I try to have an honest conversation with him I get nowhere as he just lies and tries to blame me for everything! We have not spoken for 2 weeks and I am not going to give in as when I normally give in and speak to him first he thinks he has put it over me again!

I am so sick and tired of him putting his job before our marriage, he leaves home at 6.30 in the morning and comes at 6.00 at night and then still wants to talk to customers on the phone at home!

I am ready to go and seek legal advice!

He makes no time for us to spend any time together!

Would love to hear from anyone in similar situations.
Thank you

15 Replies 15

Jane_Smith
Community Member
I also don't speak to my family or his.

Elsam
Community Member

Hi Jane Smith

Your situation sounds very similar sadly. Do you have children.

We have been married 14 years!

I am suffering from PTSD and really struggling at the moment. I am on medication but do not think it is the right one for PTSD.

I cannot get over what he has done in the past and keeping having flashbacks and back memories and my husband throwing childish tantrums which trigger my PTSD causing extreme anger for me.

I an struggling to get over the DV and cheating, not only once for several occasions i kept catching him out when he said he could be trusted and kept lying.

I have zero tolerance for liars, i cannot handle the dishonesty. I am so honest and do not do anything wrong by him never have in 24 years.

The most difficult thing is no trust, no trust at all and i have to go to work and worry all day about where he is and who he is with.

I will look forward to chatting with you.

Jane_Smith
Community Member
I have three kids all in primary school. I have had panic attacks too when he was still getting really angry but he has stopped that now. I had chest pains one time, another time felt really scared and panicky. I few times I screamed uncontrollably. He finally realised he had to stop. Now I don't know how to have a close loving relationship.

Jane_Smith
Community Member
He probably wouldn't like me chatting to you so I can't always reply straight away if he is around so sorry in advance if I don't reply until the next day. I should go for now but I will be back on this site tomorrow.

Elsam
Community Member

That is even more difficult when children are involved.

How is he towards the children?

The constant drama and problems caused by them just drives you further and further away.

He sent me an email last with the subject line - Agreement Non Negotiable! He always wants things his way.

He will not come to counselling and says it is a waste of money! I think it is because he does not want to be confronted by the counsellor over all he has done wrong!

I told him last night there are people like you that can just never do the right thing in life!

I am sick of trying and making all the effort on my own for both of us all the time.

It is always me trying to make our marriage work when there are 2 of us!

I cannot get over the trust, i cannot trust him at all and then he lies on top if it to make it worse.

Jane_Smith
Community Member
My husband wants everything his way too. He also thinks counseling is a waste of money. He is probably a bit too harsh sometimes with our children. It's amazing that one person can put so much effort in to make the other person happy but then when they ask for something the other person thinks they should just be happy with the ways things are.