Hello

[24yearoldgirl]

Hi all, I've been here before, but don't post very often.

Same story; I've been a carer from a young age due to my mum's head injury..

I'm re-enrolled to study in July, very soon, I'm close to booking flights and sorting out accommodation for myself. I'd be moving town to study and work and leaving my mum behind on a single payment (dsp).

No-one seems to care much, not even my aunty, about the fact that if I leave, my mum will be homeless. We have always shared rent and expenses together, I'm now going on 26 years old. There is minimal housing available, she's not interested in share-houses and the cost of tent site is up to $50 a day.

I wonder what my life would have looked like, if not having been a carer, or what it will continue to be if I don't pack and leave this situation. I am genuinely concerned about how my mother will cope on her own, with an acquired brain injury. She's not physically disabled, but she does have many health problems, and she is incapable of working due to her health.

What do you think, honest opinions appreciated

[geoff]

Hello 24yearoldgirl, I hope you are able to take that flight, and I mean no harm in saying this and feel very sorry for your mum, but there is help for her, and at some stage she needs to let her daughter get on with her own life, especially when she can cook, drive and pay the bills.

I'm sorry but she needs to let you go and establish your own life, I keep telling my son who is my carer that he must get on with his own life, if I need him I'll text him as he has his own girlfriend and your mum can get 'buzzer' around her neck that will notify somebody if she needs immediate help.

I certainly can't deny him this opportunity, as I too can cook and pay bills.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[24yearoldgirl]

I’m not sure if I’m making the right choice, I’ve not had any personal support as a carer for years, so I’m probably a little messed up.

Flight is booked for tomorrow, ready to pack just unsure of what the right thing is to do

I’m confused, this is such a big change to make. I’ll be studying and working, mum would be homeless and worse off financially.

My Aunty wants me to leave, mum wants me to stay, and I’m standing in the middle at a crossroads, feeling not so great.

[WaterFront]

Hi 24yearoldgirl,

I know it's hard and I also know (from what you have had to carry) that you are strong. It sounds like there is help there for your Mum if she is willing and able to accept it. It's a tough decision to make and so much uncertainty around how things will be and also feeling not great about leaving. I feel sure it will work itself out, these things tend to do that in my experience. Your Aunt is closer to the situation and she is saying to go.

If you want to, let us know how it goes. I wish you the best.

WF

[24yearoldgirl]

Hi all..

I did pack last minute, and I took the flight.. gave mum a big hug and told her I love her! A little teary eyed but got on the plane anyways.. My aunty picked me up at Brisbane, stayed with her, so it's great to have the extra support of family nearby. Nice seeing her after many years!

It seems everything is sorted out for me, as my Aunty gave me lots of boxes of things and blankets etc.

It is hard to move on from my mum. On the plus side - looking forward to my study.

[WaterFront]

I'm so glad it is working out. You can always talk to your mum via phone, text, email etc. Good luck with your studies. Enjoy!

[geoff]

Hello 24yearoldgirl, I'm pleased you have carried this through, now it's time to look after yourself.

Geoff.

[24yearoldgirl]

Hi everyone..

I have started studying and have also found work in a cafe, which I like very much. 

I'm happy that I left because I got to see my Aunty after so many years!

I'm still worried about my mum though, because our lease ended and she has now been sleeping in the car for 3 nights, and having "freezing cold showers" in the public bathrooms.

NDIS is now called Mission Australia, and they do not offer support for people with acquired brain injury, like my mum has. There is no current housing available, and the women's centre simply said to my mum that "they cannot help her." Not even any food vouchers etc. 

So it seems that I've always had to try and make a choice; I decided to leave.. Now I am considering flying back to be a carer again so that mum can have a rental to live in. She's also going in for surgery next month.

I am struggling with trying to please everyone - my aunty wants me to stay and be independent, my mum is homeless because I left, and now I'm struggling to decide what to do again. 

[WaterFront]

Hi 24yearoldgirl,

I wish I had some practical advice to give you! I think it might be a good idea to talk to the counsellors at BB as they might be able to direct you to organisations or services that will be able to offer some support/housing for your mother. Worth a try. Hopefully, others with more knowledge and experience will be along shortly.

I just wanted to let you know you are supported here and that I can see that you are a kind, caring and strong person who is trying to do their best for themselves and others in very difficult circumstances. Being pulled in many directions and trying to work out what to do for the best. 

One thought that does occur to me is if it would be possible to move your mother to where you are, or even if that is something you would want to consider. Otherwise, it's a question of setting up as much support as you can.

You've come so far and you do need to make a life for yourself. What that looks like is something only you can decide.

My thoughts are with you and I really hope you come back and let us know how it all goes. (If you want to).

Hugs

WF

[24yearoldgirl]

Thank you for your kind words WF 🙂

It's a great idea, but unfortunately my mum has to stay where she is, because she's booked in for surgery..

I'll think about what to do 😕 

Take care everyone!