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Healthy relationship feelings, unsure?

Lost27
Community Member
Hey everyone,
So I have never been in a healthy relationship till the one I'm in now. I have a few questions. Firstly what should or do other people feel in such a relationship? Because sometimes I feel as though I could be without him or when we fight I'm fine if we just broke up or maybe I'm looking for a way out? I'm not sure. I know i have trust issues because of my last relationship so i dont know of i am just over thinking and just trying to get out of it or we shouldn't be together. Because i love being around him, i see a future, I want to move in with him and love cuddling etc but then I dont know where these feelings of I guess if we broke up I could see myself with someone else etc. So half so me is like i love him and hate that I'm feeling this than half of me is like i probably dont actully love him and dont want to be with him. I don't know of I should feel more pull or being content and happy is corrwct?

I also have anxiety and depression.

Thank you
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

So, you haven’t begun to live with him yet. I can only say there is various levels of subjectivity in this problem because people have vast differences in what happiness is.

To be content with the level of affection and accept that these feelings of doubt can be within normal levels is ideal of course. Eg happily married people do often wonder what it would be like to live with, say a neighbour, that might not have the same flaws as your partner has etc you might even find that person attractive.

Say a psychiatrist found a patient attractive. He/she must enforce their professionalism to remain as a patient/Dr relationship. But they are human to have feelings.

”Over thinking things?” Quite likely. Many members here with various mental illnesses have mania or slight many due to partial crossover or fragments of other illnesses. This could mean for example that my bipolar could include some borderline personality disorder or ADHD etc.

So a racing minds that can include things like- guilt, low self esteem, self created doubts, insecurity, moods and so on. Sometimes medication can quell these symptoms enough for us to leads near normal lives, some need therapy to bring them into the tolerable zone that will allow you to move forward.

Acceptance can play a huge part in this because our symptoms is also a part of us, some of those parts that lie outside the boundaries of normality is also normal for us, it’s just that the majority don’t have those same symptoms. Furthermore, some of these so called flaws aren’t hurting other people so what is the problem? The problem lies in harmony- harmony for you and other people, as to whether or not you should seek professional help or not.

Please enter into the search bar the following threads you might find relevant

worry worry worry

the frog and the scorpion

variety and distraction

anxiety, how I eliminated it

guilt the tormentor

Repost anytime. You’ve posed interesting questions in particular how you feel your relationship is not valuable enough to fight for.

TonyWK

Hey,
Thank you so much for your response. I read your other posts. They helped so much. I now understand that it is natural to sometimes think those things and that certain things he does is his nature but because of my disorders I tend to focus on them and over thing and feel they are unnatural. I know he makes me happy and I love to spend time with him and I cant wait to live with him. I just need to understand what a healthy relationship feels like and I need to distract myself from those silly thoughts. Thank you