Has my marriage expired?

[Lost_in_reality]

I’ve been married 3 years and we have a 2yo son.

We had issues before our our son was born but they seemed minor. Since then we’ve had issues on repeat since the birth, it was traumatic for me and even in the delivery room I didn’t feel like I was getting the full support I needed.

Once we got home it seemed my husband didn’t think his life needed to change. He’d go out most Friday nights and wouldn’t be home when he said and wasn’t very responsive to my messages. This happened before bub but I’d hoped it was going to change. Over time I was no longer able to rely on him even when he stopped going out and was home more. I have been the one to look after our son even on weekends I get little support besides bath time. I’m left to do 95% of cooking and maintaining the house “because I’m home all day”. In my “free time” I’m doing chores while he watches tv and drinks or is on his phone. We don’t have any emotional connection as I just don’t feel it at all as I don’t feel supported in any other part of our relationship.

We’ve argued about everything over and over and it ends up in attacks. I’ve worried about his mental health as he’s so distant but he refuses to get help. I can’t say anything to him anymore without him going on the defense so we rarely talk now. We’ve mentioned splitting a lot but it just never happens. We never resolve anything we just go on like it hasn’t happened.

My tipping point to writing this is that we went out to the pub the other afternoon, I met him and his mates there with our son. He was drunk and kept leaning up to me and and trying to get close but I hated it, I felt so uncomfortable.

Im not longer upset by things he does or fights we have, I’ve shut off and I’m not sure that can be fixed or if I can put in the effort as I’ve been trying for so long. I can’t think of anything we have in common anymore. I’m just scared to leave because of our son. No one in my family has ever separated so I don’t know what it would be like if we did.

I’m lost and not sure if I should bring this recent realisation/feelings up to my husband.

[geoff]

Hello Lost in reality, and a warm welcome to the forums.

You have asked us a question and from what you have told us, the workload doesn't seem to be balanced at all, and if no one in your family has ever separated doesn't mean you shouldn't.

No one in my family has ever been divorced except for me, but you need to think of you and your son, look after the best interests for your son as well as yourself.

If you feel there is nothing in common and been trying for a long time, then can I ask whether or not you have seen a doctor.

I can't tell you what to do only advice you, but would really love to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Beatit]

Hi lost in reality. Your post rung home with me as you are only new to this journey and have unfortunately met with struggles. Not that any relationship is without ups and downs, but you seem to have them very early in your relationship. I've been married 35 years and there have definitely been many challenges. My husband asked for a divorce 7 years ago which absolutely broke my heart, but I moved forward by working on myself. I still have my struggles with anxiety and depression, which is why I am here but my marriage is strong. I found interests which fulfilled me, made new friends and taught me life skills. I no longer rely on my husband to make me happy, I take responsibility for that but he fell in love with me all over again. Work on yourself, even with a young child there are plenty of groups to be involved in and whether you can save your marriage or not, you will come through it stronger more interesting, self confident, fulfilled and proud of the person you have become.