Today is the 28th of November, and January can't get here soon enough. I really do dislike December.
For many people, December means social gatherings with colleagues, friends and family, to celebrate the spirit of giving. And with NYE and the fireworks, the hope of a new year and a better tomorrow.
Where externally I put on a good show, for the benefits of family and friends, internally it is the painful prequel leading up to a time of disappointment and loneliness. As far back as I can recall, I have always been the outsider, the castaway, and the excluded. At first, Christmas was the day spent sitting in the chair, quietly facing the wall, whilst siblings and cousins played with the new games and toys. Later it became that day quietly sitting in the other room, whilst they shared eggnog, merrily conversed and shared a pleasant meal. Now days, it's pretending to be happy so my kids don't have to experience that hollow absence that always visited me.
My hope is that my kids will never learn of my holiday misery, that they will instead pass on holiday joy to their families (when that time comes), and that they will never feel the loneliness of Christmas. On the positive side, my kids are flying down on Christmas day to see their mother. (they should be gone by the time I feel blue)
