Girlfriend who suffers from anxiety and depression has left me.

CamD · ‎25-08-2016

New to hear and personally I am not a sufferer of anxiety or depression but that is the reason I am here. I'll explain the situation first, my girlfriend of nearly 2 years has broken off our relationship. She has suffered anxiety and depression for a fair period of time now, that said it only came as news to me over the last 8-9 months when she told me as it had become very bad due to stress from university and life in general. Over the past 8 months since then we still had a very happy relationship despite some bumps as all relationships do but over the last month her condition has drastically worsened. This partly due to my fault as I tried to understand her condition and help but I could not help in the way I or she needed. This was worsened by myself stupidly telling a very close friend of ours that she did have a anxiety as I was looking for help and assistance to aid my girl friend and the close friend was also a sufferer. My girlfriend found out about this and due to the fact I was specifically told not to tell anyone and i lied first time around about telling the friend she has decided to end the relationship. I apologised continuously for 3 days but was told she no longer could be with me and needed time to go figure herself out. I totally understand this decision and want nothing but happiness for her but I still have very strong feelings for her and would love a second chance. She has changed all her social media to single but all the photos of us still remain.

My questions are

1. Could this be the depression talking and she still does love me ?

2. Is there anyway I can get her back and would you have any advice on how with a person with such a condition

3. How do you help a partner, I offered to go to her counselling and psychiatrist bookings with her but she did not want to pursue the relationship.

I love this girl to bits and know if I got a second chance I would never make this mistake again. There is more minor details to the scenario but I'll explain them a bit later after a reply is left.

Thanks in advance.

Cam

Fairywings · ‎25-08-2016

Hi cam and welcome im Venessa. Glad u have joined us. Firstly I just wanted to say that I'm sorry u guys r going thru this atm. Yes it can be one of two things her depression talking or she just needs some time to work herself out she may be feeling confused and just needs to find some sort of direction apart from being a support there is not much else u can do. She will have to do this soul searching on her own and find her two feet again. It can take some time indeed and with the right support networks in place she will get there. There is a saying if u love something that much let it go and if it comes back it was meant to be xx I hope this helps you out in some way please do keep on posting here we r all to help you get thru this xx

geminibabe42 · ‎25-08-2016

Let me start by saying it is absolutely beautiful that you are genuinely this concerned about her. Enough to want to support her with her anxiery and to even want her back. This shows you deeply love her and I'm sure no matter what she would appreciate that. Take it from someone who unfortunately hasn't had as supportive a boyfriend in these situations. That is honestly all a sufferer needs from a loved one. Anxiety can really make a person feel scared and alone and make people say or do things they don't always mean. If she is saying that she needs time to figure herself out, please know it is not your fault and she very well may still love you. It very well could have been the depression/anxiety talking. I absolutely recommend that you fight for her to show her how much you care if that is how you feel. Don't be disheartened if she isn't comfortable or ready to talk just yet. Maybe just gentle things like cards or flowers might be appreciated until she is ready. Ofcourse I don't know how she is going to react. All that matters is that you try 🙂 But I hope and pray for the best for you! Goodluck.

CamD · ‎26-08-2016

I think the main issue I am finding here is that I don't know how much time and space. I offered when we had a chat about us to leave for two weeks and I will come back and we could have a discussion and reevaluate the relationship but she didn't seem interested in that.

i guess I somewhat feel guilty for how it ended as well and as much as I want to apologise I want to give her the space she needs but I also miss her a lot, probably not talking to her is the most difficult thing I've done in my entire life.

I may be struggling to by understanding if I can talk to her not but overall I don't want to jeopardise my chances of working it out and getting back together in the near future.

Thanks for your support. Means a lot.

Fairywings · ‎26-08-2016

Hey cam thanks for responding of course u don't want to see someone u love struggle in such ways please don't feel guilty u guys need some space and i guess that's a good question how much time and space. I'll be honest i can't even answer that all i can say is that time is the healer of all things in life and the unfortunate thing for us humans is that we need to be patient xx harder said than done i know and I know you miss her and i know things will all work out for you nice to have spoken with you feel free to post any time you like take care now xx Venessa

Luke89 · ‎29-08-2016

G day Cam,

I know how u feel, it can be a devastating situation we find ourselves in when we try to help someone we love with anxiety and depression.

Ill give u a quick rundown of my story and see if u can relate and hopefully I can offer some helpful advice.

Was with a girl for 12 months who had history of depression, anxiety issues and I feel she was deeply embarrassed about it even though she didn't admit it. she took up FIFO work 6 months in and Cracks began to appear in her. She broke it off suddenly at Xmas with excuses like I didn't care enough and it was all 1 sided - which was completely untrue, the more I then tried to show I cared/ loved her and one of my family members offered her support also she threw it back in my face and didn't speak to me for 2 months. she then unexpectely got back in touch, we ended up back together for 2 months before she suddenly broke if off again saying she didn't feel strongly enough anymore to sustain her job and relationship and hasn't spoken to me now for another 2 months. This was only a few days after she had been saying she loved me and missed me.

I agree with Vanessa here if you truely love them u have to let them go as they need to fix themselves first. We owe that to ourselves because as a partner we can't keep copping punishment like that when the person we love and try to support takes a turn for the worst time after time.

I think when someone gets in their anxious or depressed state they become so overwhelmed and will say anything like they don't love you anymore just to get out fast to get breathing space.

i think some people who have a history of these issues really fear being emotionally close to someone and when they feel it happens it's like a switch flicks in them.

Its a helpless feeling I know, if the two of you are still in contact then all you can do is offer her your support and give her space. I believe that if something is meant to be it will work out even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

Hope this can be of some help mate - looking forward to your reply

Luke

CamD · ‎30-08-2016

Thanks for your reply Luke

its good to know that I'm not the only to ever go through this situation haha! It does sound very similar to my scenario in that not long it was very happy and positive relationship. I struggled abit in my attempts to help but in the end I did begin to understand depression and anxiety better but it was all to little to late. I didn't make contact with her for a week (the day she broke it off) but I sent her a message yesterday, I think a mistake on my end to be honest. Going to try again to give her some space but it is very hard as I do get the feeling she is talking to another guy currently. Unsure of what to do, I myself struggled with commitment issues prior to this relationship so it does hurt quite a lot when the one girl I commit to throws it back in my face.

Also thought I'd add that she got closer with her family during her difficult times but seemed to take her frustrations out on me which I was fine with as i knew it was coming from the condition not her actual thoughts. I guess with the contactless phase I'm just worried she may forget me...

Thanks again Luke.

Luke89 · ‎08-09-2016

G day cam,

Just messaging to see how you are going with your ex girlfriend? Have u had any progress?

I did also fear that during no contact for 2 months she would move on and leave me hanging and never speak to me again over nothing really.

what I have come to realise is that we have never done anything wrong, I think unless u break a girls heart she probably won't speak to you again, but i highly doubt they forget about us - probably quite the opposite from what I understand.

Anyway interested to hear how u went

Luke

CamD · ‎08-09-2016

Hey Luke

It went fairly well up until about this time last week when I decided upon advice from a friend that i would write her a letter a) to give her support and b) get some closure for me. I poured my heart from me and didn't beg for her bag or say how much I missed her but more thanked her for the time and told her how amazing the relationship was and how I was sorry for my mistakes and how I am working on them. Also offered my support to her and told her I understood she needed time and space.

A day later she responded thanking me for the thought I put into but still finished with "we both need to move on". She got quite angry after and said that she didn't need the letter after the day she had just gone through (I don't know what she meant by that as I hadn't spoken to her) and told me to please stop contacting her. I decided not to inflame the situation anymore then I had done already so did not reply. Since then all but one of her family (sisters boyfriend who I was good friends with) have removed me from Facebook but she has not. I find it odd to that she has deleted many old photos of her but kept photos of me and her on her social model and continues to wear my gifts I got her.

Her parents have gone away on quite a long holiday so she is living with her sister and her sisters partner now. I've been missing her a lot lately and am holding back messaging her. Still waiting on a message from her to even just be friends or meet up for a coffee to discuss our feelings now that things have cooled down but I believe she still may be struggling with her mental illness. Quite hard for me as I want to help her but I cannot. Been drinking a bit to much lately so I am trying to ease up on that as it is not helping myself either.

look forward to your reply Luke.

thanks

cam

Luke89 · ‎08-09-2016

Haha Interesting,

I also wrote a letter once after about 6 weeks NC and said the same sort of things just trying to be a friend and got no reply until she got back in touch and said she just didn't know how to respond to it and said I shouldn't have sent it.

Yeh mate it's so hard when u want to help someone u care for so much and they either shut u out or barely talk to you when they hit rock bottom.

i hope she eventually realises she needs to allow help and support from a loving partner because it's not every day u meet someone who would do anything for you.

in the meantime all you can do is look after yourself, a few drinks with the boys isn't a bad idea but day in day out Won't help which is good u are aware of that.

i find going for a good run, trying to get enough sleep and eating healthy is the best way to go about it

let us know how it goes

all the best mate, Luke