Girlfriend leaving me after 2 years

Harry_harry · ‎26-10-2017

Long story short the love of my life just one day didn't come home and tells me she can't be in a relationship anymore and that she still loves me. She left me because I was possessive and needy at times but refused to give me a second chance. Anyway I annoyed her to the point where she literally wants nothing to do with me, this is the person who we had both our life's planned out together. Our kids names already picked & so many plans. She said she just can't be in a relationship anymore. It's been 3 months and she has me blocked on everything and pretty much hates me. I've never felt so low in my entire life if anyone has edvidce it would be greatly appreciated

BballJ · ‎26-10-2017

Hi Harry harry,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

We see many people come through these forums going through break ups and not sure how to deal with it, be sure you are not alone at all, heartbreak like this can be so hard to deal with and no one will underestimate how you are feeling because it is never nice. It all seems like it happened quite sudden which causes a lot of pain.

I think for starters you need to find things that distract you from thinking about her, it is true that time will heal all wounds but you need to work through these tough times for the heart to heal. Is there anything you enjoy doing in your free time that you can do a little more to help distract you.

Another option may be worth speaking to your GP and possibly getting a referral to a psychologist for you speak about it all with a trained professional and make sense of all these feelings.

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

Croix · ‎27-10-2017

Dear Harry~

One of the really bad things about a breakup is not really knowing the reason. I guess there is a tendency to rush off in one of two directions, it's all the other person's fault and shortcomings, or it's all mine. While it may not be much use to know this for a relationship that is over, it is important for the future. Actually most break-ups involve a bit of both.

So what do you think? Are you so possessive and needy as to smother someone? Or do you think it was just an excuse? Actually if you love someone I suspect you would give second chances, and would probably have discussed what was going on well before any thoughts of breaking off.

The reason I mention all this is so that you are in a better position when you have another relationship. That might seem a long way off at the moment but I'm sure if you want it it will happen. When that time comes it is important to know what you have to offer, and also to be mindful of one's own faults and try to overcome them. It is also important to understand the other person will have faults too and be prepared to live with them or work though them together (maybe this is something your GF was unable to do).

As Jay says seeking some form of help, psychologist or counselor may well be a good thing. Jay's other advice is pretty good too, to find things that will occupy and distract you, things you enjoy. This all helps speed the healing process.

Croix

Harry_harry · ‎27-10-2017

Thanks guys. Yes I have been to see my gp this week but I honestly don't feel any better. I just wish there was a way to make her come back to me because this girl was my everything. If she doesn't I guess I will just have to let her go as hard as that is

Confusedandhurt · ‎27-10-2017

Hi Harry harry

I am relatively new to these forums as well. It sounds like you are going through a really hard time. I can relate.

I came on here because my husband is depressed and I thought I wanted to walk away from the marriage - I was at my wits end and didn't know what to do, I felt leaving was my only option. In a strange turn of events he left me two weeks ago. I realised how much I love him and want this to work. Its only yesterday that it clicked with me that he loves me but actually needs space - hes told me that over and over, but only yesterday it made sense to me. That a relationship is too much for him to deal with right now, while he needs to work on himself. We have been together for 12 years.

I understand your pain, its hard when you don't have any answers and your partner is not giving you the chance to speak about it, or to make it better. I can imagine you feel still in limbo.

A friend of mine gave great advice to me last week. Don't look too far forward or look back, its too painful right now. Just figure out what you will do for the next five minutes, next hour, or only as far as the weekend - plan something nice for yourself. That being said, allow yourself to feel the sadness - it is a sad time, and it is natural for you to feel hurt, and for those emotions to come to the surface. Know this is a normal reaction, and it will pass.

I think the advice of seeing a psychologist is a good one, and also to speak to people about what is going on. When my husband became unwell, I didn't talk about it. Then I broke. So its important that you talk with a psychologist and family / friends who can support you through the healing process.

Also these forums are pretty good too for support and people who understand.

C & H

Harry_harry · ‎27-10-2017

I'm also sorry to hear about your current situation as well. I think it is a good idea to just give husband space for the moment. If the relationship is meant to be it will be. If only I listened to my ex when she said she just wanted some space and to be on her own because she has been in relationships for the past 8 years and is only 23. But I kept hassling her until she didn't want to be with me at all.

Confusedandhurt · ‎27-10-2017

Thanks for your advice and understanding. It is good timing as I very badly wanted to reach out to him.

As you say, if it is meant to be, it will be. You are giving your partner space now, so perhaps that is what is needed too and it may still work out.

The best you and I can do is look after ourselves. It’s an opportunity to rediscover and reenergise. A chance to take a breath, and if your chest feels like mine (like an elephant is sitting on it - apparently that’s got something to do with the heart chakra being all busted up) it’s a good time to remind yourself that you are important and you matter, and to look after yourself.

Do you exercise? That has been my saving grace (even through managing my husbands depression and just life generally). I go to the gym every night, work myself so hard that I come home, eat, shower and then take my sore self to bed. I sleep well and it uses up what would be, for me at the moment, a lonely night.

I also found reading the forums really helpful - lots of perspective and wise words.

C&H

Harry_harry · ‎28-10-2017

Yes'm I agree 100% and I think that we need to ben happy on our own before we can be with someone else. Yes I go to the gym most nights of the week which makes me feel better

Confusedandhurt · ‎28-10-2017

Me too, exercise is a great healer 🙂

Harry_harry · ‎29-10-2017

To make matters worse she is now trying to be friends with all of my best friends so when ever I'm around them I se ever name pop up on there phone etc and all she says is I'm single you can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with. Mind you she never did anything like this when we together. Things just seem to be getting worse before they ever look like getting better