Ghosted (cheating?) boyfriend moved on. Feeling incredible pain and struggling to cope, seeking advice.

[lifeisbutadream]

Hi there everyone, I've posted about this relationship before but...sadly what has come to pass I never saw coming. My ex-boyfriend had depression, characterised by episodes of withdrawing and isolation. In our relationship he had 2 episodes like this, in the first he ended up communicating that he had felt lost in a dark place and was unable to cope, but had sought help and was in a better place emotionally.

Just over a month ago, his communication started to drop off and he echoed these thoughts (ie having a hard time, feeling trapped inside his thoughts etc) and I encouraged him to seek help, including referring him to here and his GP. He replied with how much he loved me, and wanted to get better so we could be together...And then nothing. I didn't hear from him for a month (I still haven't). During this time I had exams to focus on, so I just sent a few encouraging texts every few weeks or so, so as to not overwhelm him but just let him know I was there. It was very hard but I always remembered the good times, and used that to push me forward. I also figured it was because of his depression causing him to isolate. We had also made plans together that obviously fell apart.

Something in my gut told me yesterday (Valentine's Day) to search his social media, and I discovered he is now public with a new girlfriend. I quickly blocked him and I'm thinking of entirely deleting my social media for sometime. I just feel the most incredible deep and pervasive pain. I feel like I only ever treated him with honesty, support and care only to be completely discarded and ultimately betrayed in the most callous and cruel way. Even at this point, I haven't even so much received a "hey, this isn't working out" text or anything...at all. Our relationship had rocky points, but I never even suspected he was interested in seeing other people and I'm completely blindsided by this....even if he had broken up with me to be public so soon (1 month!!) with a new girl is just so hurtful. I just don't know how to cope with this pain because it all just feels so inconceivable and immense. I never knew he was capable of such cruelty and it seems so unlike him to do this.

To think the whole time I was so worried about him and reading about depression, doing the best I could to support him and he was moving on with someone else makes me sick to my stomach. I have so many questions...did he ever think of my feelings at all?

I would just really appreciate any input.

[Guest_3256]

Hi lifeisbutadream.

I just want to let you know that I am sorry to hear of your situation and that you aren't alone as this is not uncommon.

I also want you to know that you are a beautiful person and to reach out for support shows that you have a lot of compassion for yourself and for the wellbeing of others. Know that this is going to be difficult, however, this experience will only make you stronger and I am saying this from personal experience.

No clinical advise here but I truly believe that this person sounds like they may have traits of high end Narcissism, so know that most of his relationships will be unhealthy and very mush the same in the form that they only really care about their own needs.

People who partake in this from or relationship hopping are usually unhealthy from a mental aspect. They may struggle to make healthy life decisions and may disregard others emotions and needs.

Relationships are about loving each other, they bring out the best in ourselves, they help us to grow as people, they help us to be the best we can be, they nurture and help heal our wounds, they support us when needed and they accept our flaws.

Please limit yourself from this unhealthy person and know that this is about them, not you. I can suggest that you self-meditate or participate in some mindfulness to help you heal your emotional wounds.

Let us know how you are going.