Ghosted by my aunt

[Guest_342]

Hello. Does anyone have experience being ghosted by a family member and/or have any tips with how to mentally process it? I had a close relationship with my aunt all my life until the last few years. She has alienated herself from most of her family but we stayed in touch. Though, our relationship did become somewhat strained over that time because she didn't speak kindly of people who are important in my life - my brother's family and my parents - and tried to turn me against them, I felt sometimes. She is suffered from bad depression and I imagine other mental health issues since her 20s - she is now mid-70s. We had an argument over something trivial and that to this day I don't fully understand (something about me not parking my car where I apparently said I would when we agreed to meet up in a local park) and I ended up saying I couldn't have this argument right now and walked off. Since then we have not seen each other (about two years) but we occasionally have exchanged text messages on eg birthdays (though hers have been significantly delayed - sometimes by many months). But in more recent times I have sent texts to let her know I'd love to get back in touch if she would like to but I'm met with silence. I think I've officially been ghosted and feel betrayed and can't for the life of me understand how someone could think a relationship is worth losing to prove a silly point that I don't even understand. We may never hear from or see each other again, and that makes me sad.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

it can be hard when a relationship goes sour over something seemingly minor. 

And it sounds like you are trying your best to show that you care about her and the relationship. You could try...

'I don't know what happened, but I care about you, can we talk about it?' "

and you might not get a response, but at least you will know you tried your best.   Be kind to yourself and know that you are not to blame for someone walking away without a peep. It your fault that they couldn’t give you the truth.

[Fern42]

Hi Guest_342,

I hear and understand you. It can be very difficult to understand why people make the decisions they do, especially if in that circumstance we would make entirely different one and put our pride aside to save the relationship. I have gone through a similar experience myself, however with a cousin, that was a sister to me. I think all you can do is really cherish the good times that you had with them. Not having them in your life now does not remove those times or diminish the depth of. the relationship that you had. I've tried to personally come to an understanding that some people don't stay in your life long term sometimes, as much as you would like them too. We just have to decide how we can come to some acceptance around it with time.

While you are going through this it is important to focus on filling your 'own cup'. Being there for yourself and engaging with self care activities, whatever yours might be. 

Take care.