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frustrated/furious.

pipsy
Community Member

Hi Pipsy here.  Fed up to the back teeth with hubby and his PRECIOUS family.  Had to go to Centrelink today to sort out for Newstart.  All sorts of hassles with Centrelink, took ages to 'log on', then they asked for permanent address, when I entered it, it wasn't accepted.  I asked for help, was told I was being too aggressive, then told to leave.  Hubby with PRECIOUS mummy/daddy as usual, an hours drive away.  Rang him, told him what was happening.  Was told he won't be home till 'later'.  Why can't he for once tell THEM he needs to go home, I'm more important than them.  Bottom line, I'm not, never will be.  They say 'jump', he says 'how high'.  Hubby wants me to go to the movie with him and some of his friends Thursday night, he should take daddy.  Know how childish that sounded, but this situation has been going on for years.  M/D are late 80's in age, they've driven such a huge wedge between us by abusing me.  I've had no contact with them for over a year, hubby rings them so much, it's pathetic.  He's so emotionally immature, he's just turned 63, wish he'd 'grow up'.  Thought several times about leaving him, but no family of my own, no money.  I thought we'd have a great life together, how wrong I was.  This is going to sound dreadful, but I can't help it, wish they were dead.  I've never wished anyone dead in my life.  My own parents were control freaks and nasty, but they never treated our friends bad.  They were shocking to us, but they would never expect us to put them over our own respective families.  We were always taught your spouses are more important than parents.  My folks were actually extremely independent.  My dad walked away from his family in favour of my mum.  Why can't my hubby do the same. 

Anyway, I've 'vented'.  thanks BB for letting me.

38 Replies 38

El_Guapo
Community Member

Pipsy, Wow Wow Wow,

I feel the same in my relationship, I am second fiddle all the time.

Because I am easy going I always say to my partner, its ok darling I know you are the meat in the sandwich, I do this for you because I love you. Go I will be ok, we have each other.

Well Pipsy as you probably know from my other posts, my darling girl is going through a break down and finally at some stage I know she is going to have to stand up to these, (Pardon Me) Narcissistic people she calls family. She has been away from home living with mum for a few months now and slowly due to her breakdown she is starting to understand who is who in the Zoo. That no one has to do as mummy says out of guilt or because she is going to be crucified by other members of the family. Some parents think that respect must be given by all, but what about them showing respect?  I pray my girl finds herself and comes back to me, but reality is that unless she finally finds herself and realizes who the toxic people are in her life, I may no longer want to be second fiddle ever again in someones life.

so Wow Wow Wow.

Mingo AKA El Guapo.

 

pipsy
Community Member
Hi.  My narcissistic in-laws caused our problems.  They brought my ex up to believe, because they're his parents, their needs are paramount.  I bent over backwards trying to be as nice as I could be.  They would say 'jump', he would, if they needed him, he was 'there'.  We had the row to end all rows before Christmas, (you probably read the original post).  I now couldn't care less what happens to them or him.  I'm not angry, just relieved I can 'do my own thing' when I want to.  The longer we're apart, the happier I am.  I was actually quite lonely when he was living with me.  We never talked as he couldn't discuss anything without 'playing' with ipad, mobile phone, or making a joke.  Sometimes he would wash dishes deliberately clattering the dishes instead of talking.  He's quite emotionally immature, not his fault, I realize that, but it's hard to live with a little boy in a man's body.  I spent time with my new friend this evening, it's wonderful having a mature male person I can really talk to about anything.  Where it will lead is anybody's guess, we're taking it extremely slowly.   

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Pipsy,

That is wonderful news. Now you can enjoy someones company. Its so much better later in life meeting someone and kind of setting boundaries and getting to know someone really well. Care for you? That's a real important quality.

So happy for you.

Tony WK

Thanks Tony.  It's wonderful when you meet someone who you 'click' with.  You, Geoff and Paul have been so supportive to me, I couldn't not tell you what's been happening.  I may eventually tell ex what's going on, but it's really not his business.  I have a lot of friends at church who know what's been going on and their support too has been unwavering.  I feel so excited and 'free' now.  2nd childhood perhaps lol. 

 

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Pipsy, I'm so delighted that you're finally met someone who you can both talk to each other.

You had so much on your mind with moving into your own place so there was a lot that you had to cope with, and that's why you couldn't concentrate on going to church, but now you're settled down, it's back to how you would like it to be.

Have you told him that your birthday is  27 of April, and take care. Geoff. x

El_Guapo
Community Member

Dear pipsy,

so happy you are at peace and have found some nice people in your life.

As with our past conversations, my journey is ahead of me and yes I have finally come to the conclusion that I to am important and need my own self love and care. 

Thank you  for you kind, honest and caring words.

Mingo  AKA El Guapo.

pipsy
Community Member
Hi Geoff.  Yes, my new friend is aware of my b'day.  His comes up very soon actually.  It felt wonderful being back at church, I had really missed going.  I got invited to the ladies Christmas dinner a couple of weeks before Christmas, so the door never was shut.  My new home is going wonderful, (think I told you).   I heard from ex last night, he wants to talk, I've said 'no'.  I really don't think there's anything to talk about.  He wouldn't talk for too long anyway, before he gets distracted with mobile phone, i- pad or he starts making silly jokes.  I'm actually wondering if he has some form of concentration issue.  I don't mean OCD, maybe ADHD, is that possible in adults.  He does have OCD, I know that, but if he also has ADHD, that's a real problem.                              

Paul
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey pipsy. Just thought I'd say hi and send a kiss and let you know how awesome you are and that I'm so glad things are progressing for you 🙂

 

Paul

pipsy
Community Member

Thanks Paul.  I could never have done it without you, Geoff and Tony's unwavering support.  Knowing that you were 'there' for me, helped make me stronger. 

Hugz, xoxo to you and everybody who helped me.

A BIG HAPPY NEW YEAR to all, too.