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frustrated/furious.

pipsy
Community Member

Hi Pipsy here.  Fed up to the back teeth with hubby and his PRECIOUS family.  Had to go to Centrelink today to sort out for Newstart.  All sorts of hassles with Centrelink, took ages to 'log on', then they asked for permanent address, when I entered it, it wasn't accepted.  I asked for help, was told I was being too aggressive, then told to leave.  Hubby with PRECIOUS mummy/daddy as usual, an hours drive away.  Rang him, told him what was happening.  Was told he won't be home till 'later'.  Why can't he for once tell THEM he needs to go home, I'm more important than them.  Bottom line, I'm not, never will be.  They say 'jump', he says 'how high'.  Hubby wants me to go to the movie with him and some of his friends Thursday night, he should take daddy.  Know how childish that sounded, but this situation has been going on for years.  M/D are late 80's in age, they've driven such a huge wedge between us by abusing me.  I've had no contact with them for over a year, hubby rings them so much, it's pathetic.  He's so emotionally immature, he's just turned 63, wish he'd 'grow up'.  Thought several times about leaving him, but no family of my own, no money.  I thought we'd have a great life together, how wrong I was.  This is going to sound dreadful, but I can't help it, wish they were dead.  I've never wished anyone dead in my life.  My own parents were control freaks and nasty, but they never treated our friends bad.  They were shocking to us, but they would never expect us to put them over our own respective families.  We were always taught your spouses are more important than parents.  My folks were actually extremely independent.  My dad walked away from his family in favour of my mum.  Why can't my hubby do the same. 

Anyway, I've 'vented'.  thanks BB for letting me.

38 Replies 38

Paul
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Heya pipsy - HUGS

Thanks for the update - interesting. It sounds like ex misses your counsel rather than misses you which is why you go the heck out of there in the first place.

How are you holding up? How's your mood?

 

Paul x

 

pipsy
Community Member

Hi guys, I'm fine.  Yes, Geoff I am moving Friday, no worry's there.  Ex would have to completely change and PROVE it before I'd even think of going out with him, much less going back.  His sister is not doing so well.  Evidently the cancer has enlarged although hasn't spread.  Sorry for her, but that's not my problem.  Ex asked me to send her a 'get well, soon' card.  Don't worry, have no intention of doing that either.  I realize he's using every trick in the book to get me to reconsider, his sister like m/d didn't care about me when we were together, why waste my time.  I think also, ex doesn't like being alone.  Payback's are a bitch.  What goes around, comes around.  He neglected me for family, as I told him when I left, he made his choice, live with it.  Dad used to say, you've made your bed, now lie in it, if the mattress gets lumpy, your problem.  Boy, I'm doing well this morning, cliché after cliché. 

Will let you know how the move goes, hopefully, not too many breakages.

pipsy
Community Member
Hi guys, quick update.  Ex WILL be there 25th Nov, for party, however, I'm busy helping with catering, so won't have any contact.  Have to share a bit of a laugh (not bitter), just amusing.  One of the guys at work had harassed me because I have a slight accent.  Had told ex (this happened weeks ago), after 2 or 3 times of same problem I reported the guy.  Ex is now saying, if he continues to give you problems, tell me and I'll handle it.  This guy will also be at the party, I've worked with him a couple of times lately, no more trouble.  Think it's extremely amusing ex can 'handle' someone for harassing me for having an accent, can't 'handle' m/d for harassment.  'News flash' though, ex HAS  apologized for not 'being there' for me with m/d.  Don't worry, not going back, haven't actually seen ex, he texted me.  Still don't trust him, just going to get on with my life.      

Paul
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Heya pipsy

Thanks for the update - you seem in better spirits! I also get the feeling that ex at the party won't be too much of a problem for you. "I'm too busy to talk at the moment and it's not really appropriate here" could be a good "bugger off" if he does want to be a pain.

How's the new place? 

Paul

pipsy
Community Member
Hey, guys.  Quick update.  Move went well, yesterday/this morning, no breakages (unbelievably).  Great place, quiet, seems to be good neighbours.  Loads of helpers, (more than needed).  Now the fun time, unpacking FINDING everything.  A/c works well, so far, fans in bdrms, lounge, a/c in main bdrm, lounge.  Going to really enjoy living here.  Evidently m/d reckon ex is better off without me (couldn't agree more, actually).  Funny, for once m/d and me in agreement.       

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
dear Pipsy, that's terrific, and take your time to unpack. Geoff. x

pipsy
Community Member

Hi guys.  Me again.  Most unpacking finished.  Had to laugh Geoff, take my time unpacking.  I would have to be the slowest person in the world with unpacking, putting away, lol.  Had text from ex, I think he's lonely, hearing more from him now.  Wants to see me to discuss 'things'.  Told him I'd 'get back' to him, eventually.  Almost told him to ask m/d for permission to meet me.  Have to go to Centrelink this week to give them paperwork re: volunteer job.  Better not post too much more here. 

Thanks for everything, you've done for me.  Letting me 'vent' when I was hurt, angry, disillusioned etc.   I'm actually feeling really good, positive.  No 'black dog'.  I've been reading, watching t.v, enjoying my freedom.

Paul
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Nice one pipsy!

I admire your strength, you go girl!

 

Paul x

pipsy
Community Member

Hey guys.  Quick update.  Been here a month, wow, time flies when you're having fun.  The party 25th Nov went well.  Ex was there, we did talk but not about anything much, just what he's been doing at man's shed.  Haven't had much contact since then.  Till yesterday.  Ex going to visit m/d (how unusual), wants to try and get reconciliation between them and me.  He seems to think all I have to do is ignore their barbs, ignore their put downs and all will be peachy.  At the same time, I have to watch what I say, respect their right not to respect me.  Are all elderly people this disrespectful, or am I overreacting when d says his usual (apparent joking comment) 'I'm a man and men know these things', when you ask him how he knows something.  Ex reckons he taught him that saying, got it off a t.v program.  Sorry but I don't ever remember a t.v program/sitcom where that particular saying was used.  I jokingly said ask the patriarch (king, got told off for that remark), how he would be about seeing me.  Don't really want to though.  Ex is going there today, said it brought back bitter memories of last time.  Can't actually see it happening.  I think ex is living in a 'dream world' where everybody gets on with everybody. 

Apart from all that, I'm actually doing extremely well.  Went to a concert yesterday afternoon, thoroughly enjoyed it.

Merry Christmas, one and all.

pipsy
Community Member

Hey Guys.  Thought I'd let you all know I'm doing fine.  Hardly home these days.  Geoff, you'll be pleased to know I'm back at church.  Now I'm in a better place emotionally, it's great to be back.  I've actually met someone.  Didn't plan it.  I've known him for sometime, met him through church.  He's recently widowed, but seems to care for me.  We talk all the time and unlike ex, he really listens when I say something.  He's told me about his first wife, she was very sick the last few years of her life.  We're taking it real slow, just mainly talking at the moment.  We're keeping it quiet at church as we feel it's our business.  Quite a few people know ex and neither me or this man want trouble.  Ex probably wouldn't care, but I still don't want it public knowledge.  Haven't actually heard from ex, haven't had time to think about him.  Feel very sorry that he allowed m/d to come between us, then still chose them. 

I'm just getting on with my life.