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frustrated/furious.

pipsy
Community Member

Hi Pipsy here.  Fed up to the back teeth with hubby and his PRECIOUS family.  Had to go to Centrelink today to sort out for Newstart.  All sorts of hassles with Centrelink, took ages to 'log on', then they asked for permanent address, when I entered it, it wasn't accepted.  I asked for help, was told I was being too aggressive, then told to leave.  Hubby with PRECIOUS mummy/daddy as usual, an hours drive away.  Rang him, told him what was happening.  Was told he won't be home till 'later'.  Why can't he for once tell THEM he needs to go home, I'm more important than them.  Bottom line, I'm not, never will be.  They say 'jump', he says 'how high'.  Hubby wants me to go to the movie with him and some of his friends Thursday night, he should take daddy.  Know how childish that sounded, but this situation has been going on for years.  M/D are late 80's in age, they've driven such a huge wedge between us by abusing me.  I've had no contact with them for over a year, hubby rings them so much, it's pathetic.  He's so emotionally immature, he's just turned 63, wish he'd 'grow up'.  Thought several times about leaving him, but no family of my own, no money.  I thought we'd have a great life together, how wrong I was.  This is going to sound dreadful, but I can't help it, wish they were dead.  I've never wished anyone dead in my life.  My own parents were control freaks and nasty, but they never treated our friends bad.  They were shocking to us, but they would never expect us to put them over our own respective families.  We were always taught your spouses are more important than parents.  My folks were actually extremely independent.  My dad walked away from his family in favour of my mum.  Why can't my hubby do the same. 

Anyway, I've 'vented'.  thanks BB for letting me.

38 Replies 38

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
dear Pipsy, that's great all organised, but see if you can get your husband to pay a contribution, but as soon as he tells m/d they will want to to say no. Geoff. x

pipsy
Community Member

Hi Geoff.  As I said Centrelink have already suggested I get other half to help me financially.  Apparently Centrelink will contact him about that.  I told them they would have a battle, they said, they expected a battle, but they will argue that.  I don't have to have any contact with him.  I got a nasty txt today re: m/d and how 'upset' they are that all this has happened.  Of course it's me, I'm being very stupid and 'excitable' over nothing.  I deleted the txt and that was that.  Other half is 'worried' about sister, said all this has aggravated her illness, she has cancer.  M/d apparently said they couldn't believe I would 'hurt' their son at this time with him being so worried about them and sister.  Other half tried ringing, but I couldn't be bothered with rubbish.  Going out for tea tonight with fellow workers.  Working tomorrow.

Life's good, you and Tony were right. 

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Pipsy,

It never ceases to amaze me how others place comments on relationships/relationship breakdown when effectively they are not part of the relationship.

Oh, you shouldn't leave him while his sister has cancer, nor should you leave him during the festive season, easter, during an Aldi mid year sale, while he has the flu and definitely don't leave and not take out the rubbish bins first. lol

Emotional blackmail, I'm an expert....as my mother used it against me all my life. Until I terminated the relationship.

Tony WK

Hi Tony.  You're so right about emotional blackmail, don't upset the 'applecart'.  I was actually able to laugh about the txt.  I do have one unpleasant situation to face in a couple of weeks.  The company we both volunteer for is having a Christmas party for the volunteers.  Other half will be there.  However the company knows what's happened, so the lady who's arranging it has said she will make sure we won't be seated together.  The people I work with directly have also said (without getting too involved) they will keep other half busy.  He's leaving the company after that, so I won't have to worry after 25th Nov (the Christmas party is the 25th Nov).  Other half, I don't think will cause too much angst, he won't want anyone to know anything, unless he can be sure of getting sympathy.  I suppose m/d are giving him all the emotional support right now. 

My friend, I'm staying with has said don't pay for divorce, let him.  That's a year away.  Haven't thought that far ahead.  Taking it one day at a time. 

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Pipsy, stay strong, m/d have always manipulated every situation and always will.

Your life is now starting in another direction one which you will now cherish. Geoff. x

Paul
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Pipsy.

BIG HUGS! I admire your strength to stand up for yourself and refuse to be manipulated and come second anymore. The way him and his family have responded just shows you how selfish and blind they really were to the needs of your marriage.

Lick your wounds, enjoy emotional freedom and be kind to yourself at this time - well, always be kind to yourself, but especially at this time while there's an adjustment to all the changes and potential grief.

Take care

 

Paul xx

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Pipsy, I don't think your husband, soon to be ex, will go to the party, as he's shown not to go efore.

BIG HUGS also from me. Geoff. x

pipsy
Community Member

Hi and a BIG thanks to Tony, Paul & Geoff for all the support you've given me over the last week or so.  Knowing you've 'been' there for me has been wonderful.  I'm moving next weekend, I saw the manager of the place I'm renting and he said the previous tenants have arranged to have the carpets cleaned next Friday.  They move out Wednesday, I move in from Friday. 

Again, THANKS for all the support.  I will continue to post here though.  If I can continue to help others as I have been helped, this also gives me strength to know my life is wonderful. 

pipsy
Community Member

Hi Tony, Paul and Geoff.  Just to keep you in the picture.  Had a phone call from ex yesterday.  Says he's sorry for all the pain he's caused, would I PLEASE reconsider and give him 2nd chance.  Then went on to say he's concerned about d.  Seems he visited m/d and d's very sick.  I actually told him I was too busy to talk (I wasn't, but he doesn't have to know that), I just didn't want to know about m/d.  Sorry to say this, but I couldn't care less about m/d, when's ex going to get that message.  I didn't tell him where I was going to be living.  He didn't ask, too worried about m/d to even think.  He wants to spend Christmas with me, I think I'd rather be alone.  I'm actually spending it where I've been staying.  Why doesn't ex go to m/d, he's so worried about them.

Might change my mobile, he has texted twice, I've deleted.  Now I'm WANTED, how lucky.  Sorry to sound sarcastic, I'm not really like that usually.   Thought you'd be interested.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Pipsy, both you and I know that he's tried this many times before, the old saying 'the boy who cried wolf'.

All he has done is make m/d come first and wouldn't be prepared to take care of you in anything that you had asked of him, and if by chance you did return then after a few weeks it would be back to what it was before.

I hope that you do rent this two bedroom flat, because he has had too many chances. Geoff. xx