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Feeling overwhelmed with a sense of guilt

Community Member


I struggle to articulate my emotions - especially online. I've been in a relationship for around two years now with somebody whom I thought I was "the one" and have commenced building a house together. This was despite her self-harming in front of me whilst intoxicated on one occasion and other tribulations along the way, we have worked through.

Although, recently it feels like our connection has waned to a point where, in the workplace, I've made a strong connection with a female work colleague. I have absolutely no plans to act on this as I'm not a man of infidelity and by no means was this even remotely planned. This new connection served as a kind of barometer of where my current relationship is at and has since been a kind of revelation, to a point where I can't sleep and am overwhelmed with guilt. As in - surely I shouldn't be feeling this way about another person as I'm committed. Is my reaction disproportionate to my circumstances, anybody else had similar experiences? If I were to go down the road of ending this relationship, I have absolutely no idea how. This has all culminated in the last three weeks. Unsure how to start.

2 Replies 2

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi boopthesnoot93,

Congratulations on building a house. Must be thrilling to be having your own place soon to stay with your partner. A private sanctuary for both you and her. I hope the building goes smooth, and that your house will be ready without much problems along the way.

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with your relationship, and it has affected you to the point you're overwhelmed with guilt and insomnia. I feel that, the both of you have done really well with working through her problems together. How did you feel when you first discovered her self-harming infront of you?

And pardon me for asking, would you be able to elaborate a bit further on what you meant by feeling that your connection with her has waned? I feel your strong connection with your female work colleague could be due to the lack of connection with your partner. It's worth having a chat with your partner about how you feel; let her know your concerns about the waned connection (but leave the female work colleague topic out of the discussion), and see if the two of you can work things out to overcome this hurdle.

Happy to listen to you more boopthesnoot


Community Member

Hi buddy

Welcome to the forum and for reaching regarding your concerns, as this must be very overwhelming and a stressful time in your life. No one wants to feel shame or guilty for impacting on their partners health. Healthy relationships require a good balance of trust and dedication to each other. If one side outweighs the other, this will cause a significant amount of tension, which may impact on their mental and physical wellness. This can cause them to become traumatised.

It's important to understand that we all react to situations in different ways. When we communicate with our spouses in a healthy manner, we can better understand how to meet their needs, making sure that we always put them first.

Relationships are an ongoing journey of learning about each other, helping each other grow, sacrifice, acknowledging each others needs and pushing each other to the best they can be as a person. One of the most important aspects of relationships is accepted our partners for who they and if we struggle to do that, we do not love and value ourselves and no one is going resolve that other than ourselves.