Feeling lost and confused.

[AussieMum2000]

Hi there,

Im a 39 yr old mother of two teenage girls. After almost 20 years together and 14 years married, my husband and I have recently separated. This was my decision due to me being gay.

Anyhow, I do/did have a girlfriend. I’m honestly not sure exactly if I still have a girlfriend or not. I’m so confused.

My girlfriend of 5.5 months was admitted to hospital recently due to her severe depression. Before she was admitted she told me she was done with our relationship. I’m not sure if that was her depression talking or she really wanted to end our relationship. We had a very close bond and spent a lot of time together over the past few months. I told her I loved her in August this year and on the same weekend, she told me she loved me too.

Since she has been admitted, i’ve messaged her everyday and she has only messaged me once during this time. She still reads every message I send her, she just doesn’t reply.

I believe she still loves me, but I’m struggling with her lack of communication and I’m feeling lost and confused.

[Birdy77]

Hi AussieMum,

I'm sorry you are going through this confusing and distressing situation.

Not being able to communicate with your girlfriend (not hearing back) would be really upsetting.

If she is currently in the grips of deep depression, she simply may not be able to reply to you ... she may be so deep inside the darkness that she can't communicate through that dense, dark wall.

It sounds like your love for each other is real ... I guess it may take a lot of patience to ride this out. Maybe remind her that you're there, and that you care ... but know that she may simply not have it in her to respond right now.

In the meantime, do you have someone to support you through your own feelings of confusion and distress? A close friend or a counsellor?

You are always welcome here.

Sorry if I haven't been much help.

🌻birdy

[Mitchy802]

Hi Aussiemum2000

Firstly I am sorry for what has happened. It sounds like you have been through some big life changes, and this relationship made you very happy.

I have recently had a similar thing happen to me, although he wasn't admitted to a mental health unit, we have started talking again slowly.

For me, and I guess perhaps for you too the whole thing is made worse because you don't fully understand the reasons why they have made the decisions they did. You had something good, then out of the blue it suddenly stops.

I am sure, like me, you will be going through the stages of grief. Anger, denial etc.

Remember as good as it was, it takes two people to have a relationship. Maybe she will come back to you and maybe she won't - it is hard. It was nothing you did or said, it sounds very much a unilateral choice on her behalf, without much consideration for you.

Everyone deserves to be happy. And you deserve to find that person.

[AussieMum2000]

Hi birdy,
Thank you so much for your reply.

What my GF and I did have was amazing. I was extremely happy and it seemed that she too was happy when we were together.

It was a relationship I had longed for.

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to, which is why I came here.

[AussieMum2000]

Hi Mitchy,

Thank you very much for your reply.

Yes, this year has been quite eventful. As I have said to birdy, this relationship has been amazing. We had even spoke about kids and marriage considering we were together for only a short time. This is why I think it’s affected me so bad.

In the message that she did send me, she explained she was angry at me for telling her sister about her depression, although she did understand why I did it and that it was because I was worried for her safety.

Then she said that she will probably be there for a while as she has group therapy and activities etc to do. She said she can’t guarantee that things will be back to normal when she returns, but she will hopefully be learning strategies to control the stresses in her life.

I’m sorry that you have been through something similar. Hopefully things are improving for you.

[Birdy77]

Dear AussieMum,

I think it's going to take some patience, this sort of waiting-game while your gf gets the help she needs to heal.

If you were talking about a future together, it sounds like there could be hope for later reconnection.

If she said she can't guarantee things will be the same when she comes home from hospital, I think that still sounds hopeful.

In a way, it's inevitable that things won't be the same because in the meantime, this big thing has happened and she is getting help for what she needs help with, and you may be able to take up again together, but from a much stronger foundation.

What do you think about it?

I am glad you're here talking about it as it's really (really) hard going through stuff like this on your own.

Don't forget your local women's health clinic if there is one close by, if you need to talk to someone.

You've gone through massive changes this year, and it's ok to need some support around it.

🌻birdy

[AussieMum2000]

Hi Birdy,

Thank you again for your reply.

I was in the middle of replying earlier and I received a message from my GF. So, I quickly exited from this post to see what she had to say. I felt it was going to be negative, but It put a huge smile on my face.

Even though it wasn’t much, she is starting to talk about “us” as a couple.

This is a huge step for her and I am starting to believe things are going to be okay.

Only time and patients is all it’s going to take.

I told her that I will let her set the boundaries and I won’t push her into anything she’s not comfortable with.

Baby steps.