Feeling alone with no support

[Shell82]

Ok so this is my first time trying to reach out for help/advice from strangers.

So we just had our second baby a few weeks ago and my whole world is wrapped up in both children ( 4 years old and 2 weeks old). I would do anything for them. I don't have the typical depression signs that people always talk about after a baby.

The thing that is getting to me most is when I reach out to anyone for help (family or friends) I am getting absolutely no support or understanding. This is especially bad from my husband and my dad who also lives with us. I could ask for something as simple as a nappy change or taking out the rubbish and I get "why are you so lazy" or "you can do it" or "why isn't it already done" after being up all night with two sick children, being sick myself and having an emergency cesarean). Then when it comes to cleaning the house I get yelled at again by both as to why its not done (again receiving no help). Its come to a point where I'm doing all of things I shouldn't be doing after an emergency csection and I again end up in tears (I'll hide away doing housework while crying so I dont get yelled at, critized or shamed) because I'm in so much pain.

Am I wrong to ask for help?? Am I asking to mich?? Is it wrong to need support and someone to talk to?

[geoff]

hello Shell, it's rather disturbing to know what your dad and husband have said to you, goodness me you've just had a baby and really should be looking after yourself, it's not easy being a new mum or dad because your lifestyle changes significantly.
People may not want to help because once trhey do then they feel as though they will always be used, that's unfair I know.
It seems as though your husband has been taught all the bad habits that his father had, but what I would do is go to your council and see if they can have a council worker who goes out and cleans houses to come to your house and your husband pay for it, easier said than done, but really they are not pulling their weight and need to help you.
Are you able to go to your mothers house for awhile and let them realise what they are missing out on, but yes you do need some help.
You could also try the local community centre they will know where to direct you, but please make sure you keep up your doctor's appointments. Geoff.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Shell, are you able to sit down with your husband and have a serious conversation with him about how you're feeling? You could also ask that he speak to his father about not being so harsh on you. It's so understandable that you are feeling the way you are feeling, and support and compassion is definitely not too much to ask for. Do you have any friends or other family members that could help you? I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. It's quite emotionally manipulative to call someone lazy when you clearly aren't. I think sitting down with your husband and his father individually and really trying to explain your side may help.

[Petal101]

Hi Shell, you are certainly in need of help as any woman in your situation would be. There are clearly health risks to your situation. Too much physical activity after a c- section can cause complications later, not to mention the stress or possible depression for example. If you have a good doctor or early childhood nurse, I think they would be good to talk to. They have lots of experience with a whole range of issues and often are aware of local support options. They can often talk with partners to explain the limits a new mum faces. Sometimes it's difficult to think of others outside the family to call on. My area has a volunteer group of women who visit and assist mums. Local community health is a good place to start. Sometimes we can't change our partner but other help gets us through. Good luck honey, I hope that you find some assistance as your children need their mum to be well and you need to feel supported.