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Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Strong_guy
Community Member
so i have written and deleted this message like 5 times, it just goes for ever.
short story, 2 years together, 6 month old son, feeling unattracted to partner who got fat and wont do anything about it, while im 26 and attractive and look like a fit guy in the gym.

sex life is broken havent had sex in like 12 months barely touched me. like 5 times if that.
we dont kiss or hug and most of the time it feels forced.

i just look around and see all the pretty healthy girls that are not 30kg heavier then me that i want to protect and go do fun things with, one that is smart and energetic and one that still has passion for me and herself.

love my son and care about this chick but feel like i only live once and if i dont do anything about it i am wasting my life not being happy.

even though leaving will be hard and painful for a short time, i feel like i need to get out and meet someone who is more like me, active in the mind and body, someone who reads books and has opinions on things and works towards goals ect. not just a fat netflix bad food binger who only ever talks about negative things like bad day at work, general running down people that you dont like stuff is all we can talk about.

she acted like she was like me and put on a big show for me but then when we started dating and becoming offical it all went out the window.

i dont want to hold her, kiss her, have sex with her and sacrifice my freedom for her anymore.

i feel like theres so many girls all around this area that just make me really excited to look at, i see them playing sports and doing really well and being happy and fun and my girl is just giving up not interesting, and just puts her head in the sand.

basically looking like im going to say i have had enough and dont think this is going to ever give me the same feeling as it did when we first started and just say ill always be there to support u and the son ect. but i need to go and do other things coz this is not working anymore.
23 Replies 23

Financially for me and her it's alot better for this lease to go until the end. Other wise could end up homeless without money saved for a move or relocation.

I feel like telling her it's not working and I don't wanna be her partner anymore and go at date other people, obviously not at the house but go meet others away from the house. I wouldn't bring people here and disrespect her like that.

You could always ask her to leave and take the lease on your own? Or vice versa if she doesn't want to leave?

Once people start taking their relationship problems to others (family, friends) and embellishing stories to make it appear worse then it is...its definately hard to come back from...as those people make it more difficult to recover from.

I know my wife took our issues to this chick from work she befriended and did the same, like your comment about getting drunk and ignoring your crying baby.

My wife told this woman, that when pregnant we would fight and id throw her out the house and that she spent half the pregnancy sitting in her car at the park crying cause she wasn't allowed home.

When relatity it happened twice, and I asked her to leave to give me a chance to think and cool off. She spent about 2 hours total at the park throughout her entire pregnancy. But as you pointed out with your partner, the story is embellished to others to make it appear far worse then it is.

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
hey sorry to be a downer but going through her phone is not ok

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

It seems you would prefer to be with a woman who works and loves to excercise - and this isn't her. That doesn't mean she is bad, lazy or guilty for being fat. she might just not be a good fit for u. I'm sorry but to be honest I would also be very upset if someone went through my phone, read my texts and then judged me for it. That is not okay really, and might contribute to some of her behaviour. Her being lazy, not healthy, or not your type, doesn't mean that you have a right to read her texts.

When you first posted, strong guy, I tried to read with empathy. Many would relate to the life-changing ups and downs of becoming a new parent and the stress of experiencing a relationship break down. And venting happens.

But your posts go on to insult and degrade your girlfriend further and further... you call her “fat”, lazy” “unintelligent”.

You’re dragging her down in an attempt to make yourself look good. It’s doing the opposite.

You feel like telling her you don’t want to be her partner. What’s stopping you? Be KIND and acknowledge where you are both at.

Your baby son will pick up and absorb what is going on around him. Keep this in mind. Now and in the years to come.

Theborderline,

I guess I can see how that story didn’t need embellishment.

People need support in difficult times. Your wife did the right thing to speak to someone about it.

We can also choose to be kind and compassionate in this life. As someone who exercises regularly, I am all for the benefits it provides, but I would hate if my partner ever commented on my exercise regime or put that expectation on me. I do it for myself. I also understand that exercise is not the most important thing in the world, it’s a fairly shallow superficial pursuit to some extent. You are a 25 year old guy so I don’t blame you for feeling this way, but having a child requires a lot of support and emotional readiness. you have also obviously only been with your partner for a relatively short time, and it seems like more time before such a big commitment would have been good. Although that doesn’t help you now, it’s perhaps a lesson that you can take out of it for future.

Regarding the embellishment, my experience has been that people see situations through their own lens when upset, which can distort things. My partner has accused me of embellishing things in the past, whereas I contend that he has a history of minimizing things. In reality, when that happens, the situation has obviously upset me more than him and so I remember it as bigger.

My intention is not to beat you up, but you came across as a bit hard-nosed towards your partner given her circumstances. It seems like you have made up your mind and so I think separating is probably for the best, but I just hope that you learn and grow from this experience also.

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Strong Guy -
A lot of women talk after birth about how hard it is to recover back to a healthy weight , and every one is different. Some people lose weight quickly, some take time but it's very personal. Her body may have healed 6 months after giving birth but it may take her a little more time - there's no rule for how long it can take.

She seems also to be upset in the marriage and to be contemplating ending it - was it this way before you had your son? It seems very unhealthy if the relationsihp has got to the point of listening to her when she's unaware while chatting to your mother or going through her phone. Those things mean there is no trust anyway. You say you lost trust in her when you read her negative comments about you on her phone, but it seems if you are already going through her phone there was not trust to begin with.

You also seem very keen and ready to date and meet other women. This is concerning when you are still living with a wife and have a small child with her. It would be good if you could find some closure soon with ur wife and tell her how you feel. I know it's hard financially but if splitting up is inevitable I think you should just bite the bullet and give it a go. She will also need time to find a place to live and sort out her affairs while she is sitll recovering from recently having a baby.

Guest_3256
Community Member

Hi Buddy.

I am really sorry to hear about you situation and you're not alone in how you feel.

I also want you to know that you can access an array of support to help you improve your mental health.

Beyond Blue have an amazing support line who are always eager to listen.

Know that this is not about you partner, this is about you being able to understand that she is not the root cause to your unhappiness. Blaming other's for your own doing will prevent you from being the best version of yourself. Relationship hopping based off someone's looks is not healthy in any way.

I would suggest you speak with health professionals as soon as possible to seek immediate support for how you feel.