Family being torn apart

[Lora21]

I'm very new to this but wondered if anyone had any advice on having their family torn apart.

My brother and his wife for some reason have decided to isolate the self from particular family members. We have usually been a close family and they have two children who mean the world to me and their grandma.

contact with them is seeming less likely by the day. They are choosing when to reply to mesages, being manipulative by making it out that we are doing the wrong thing when all we want to do is see the kids...

its tearing our already semi broken family apart and its heart breaking.

any advise at all is so appreciated.

Thank you.

[geoff]

hello Lora, it's always a bit scary to post your first post, but now you have, so please let me welcome you to the site.
I'm really sorry to know what's been happening and it's a little difficult to give you an answer from your post, but I'll try.
When a family starts to distance themselves from the rest of their family then something has happened to cause this, whether it's something that has happened within their own family or whether it's something amongst the whole family is hard to tell, so I can make a guess but that would be wrong in doing so, because I maybe right off target and then even upset you even more, that's not what I want to to do, some can I ask you a few questions.
How old are the children and do you know whether your brother and his wife are in financial trouble, or has some event caused any problems, please only answer if you want to, but it will give us some more information so we can help you. Geoff.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Lora, do you have any idea why they are acting in this way? Perhaps you could really communicate directly how you feel i.e. something like "I feel as if you've been distancing yourself from me, could I please ask why? I'd really like to catch up with you and the kids when you're next free, but I understand if you need some space or if there's another problem." Being direct as possible might really help give you the answers you're looking for. I think if you find out why they are behaving in this way, that's the best way to work out a solution.

[Lora21]

Thanks for the reply Geoff.

Tbey have never been financially stable and it's always up and down.

Theres been years of issues including break ups/downs, violence etc they live a very complicated life but in the 15 years it's been going on they have never cut complete contact.

I have literally begged and been honest about how hurt and sad iam how worried iam about them and all I want to do is talk.

Im due to have my first baby in a few months and to think they want nothing to do with that is just mind boggling.

we have never been super close and there is some jealousy there I feel from my brother but the fact they are both just plain ignoring me hurts so much. I feel embarressed, hurt, worried. I cannot stop thinking about what might be going on for them and just hope my nephews are ok.

i don't know how to cope with the fact they won't be apart of my child's life.

I feel so broken in what's meant to be such a happy time.

[Lora21]

Thank you for your reply.

i answered this in geoffs reply as it was fairly long.

Thanks.

[geoff]

hi Lora, as you say I think there is some jealousy here because something has happened to them which you may not know about, such as wanting a third child but being unable to conceive, if this is the reason, give them time they will eventually change and somehow contact will be made.
The important part to this is that you are due to have your baby, so you have to focus on this, at the moment that's much more important than trying to contact them, give them time.
If you get worried about them and how your nephews are, then you may only be thinking of negative thoughts and these can lead to depression, that's certainly not what I want to happen as you are due to have your baby.
We could worry about all our brothers/sisters but they have their own life, run their day their way, not how we want them to, so we don't know what they are doing or up to.
Please stay in touch with us. Geoff.