Extreme guilt and paranoia

[Talltrees89]

I went out for drinks without my partner and I stayed out extremely late with a bunch of male/female friends that I hadn't seen in years. I didn't cheat or do anything bad but I just feel so guilty now. I dropped off a few male friends to their houses afterwards and even that makes me feel guilty and I regret doing it as it some how feels in appropriate and disrespectful. I can't stop crying and have a sick feeling in my stomach. This man is my world and I'd hate to jeopardise it. Why am I taking this so hard?  I have anxiety diagnosis already and now feel highly paranoid and guilty. 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Talltrees89
 
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made your way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
What is it in particularly that makes you feel guilty?  You have no reason for guilt if there is no ulterior motive and it's important to maintain friendships regardless of gender.  If however your guilt relates to your partner’s insecurity or lack of trust in you then the onus may on him while at the same time, finding a way to communicate so that you both feel safe to be able to choose your friends and have a healthy social life.  The following resources might be helpful for you to look at while you wait for a response to your post:

Relationships Australia

If ever you feel like you need to talk this through, we are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat Click Here .  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure you will hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M
 

[geoff]

Hello Talltrees, your partner has accepted you going out for drinks and believed there would be nothing untoward happening and on this ocassion it didn't matter whether you got home early or stayed to drive them home safely, you were totally responsible because you cherish your partner.

This feeling of anxiety could be caused by your thought of what your partner was thinking, but what comes with this is trust and every loving relationship has this and it's certainly present in yours.

You have nothing to hide but if you need please talk with someone and please get back to us.

My best.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Talltrees89]

Thank you for such a quick response. Sorry I should have mentioned my partner doesn't like the group of friends I caught up with (they drink/smoke and carry on) and I've come along way since I use to hang out with them. I reassured him I would only be out for an hour or two but then I stayed out way later and disregarded what I had promised him in the moment. He's dissapointed and I feel awful about that because he deserves honesty and respect and when I think about hurting him it hurts me. My anxious brain seems to have flicked a switch now where I'm paranoid that even dropping a male friend off at home might "look bad" if you know what I mean. I know I did nothing wrong and was helping them out but yet my brain wants to put irrational scary and paranoid  thoughts in my head now about how it may have looked and what rumours could potentially start because of  and it's making me feel sick and terrified. 

[Talltrees89]

Thanks Geoff, I just wish my brain could let it be for what it was and not over think or catastrophise it about it so badly. I'm so scared of the what ifs that I'm losing sight of the fact I didn't do anything wrong.