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Expressing Likeness for Women Results in Negative Responses

adamc
Community Member

Let me fully explain myself. I have never been considered good looking and over the years, whenever I have expressed a friendly liking for someone, they always respond like I make them weak to the stomach.

In High School, I opened my heart to a girl thinking she liked me only for her to tell her friends everything I said.

Another girl, when we worked as office monitors for the day, she asked me who in our class I liked and when I pointed at her, she responded with "Eewww!!"

Another girl who i thought was the prettiest girl in the whole school, I wrote a letter expressing my liking for her, she responded by making prank calls to my home.

When I gave Xmas cards to some female shop assistants in JB Hi-Fi who were always friendly and cheerful to me, they left about a week later.

A couple of Chinese women I was talking to online a couple of years who I expressed a liking for, turned out be only interested in how much money I'd spend on them.

My Dad had a lovely and friendly podiatrist who quite often fell down ill. I gave her a "Get Well Soon" card with a little message saying how nice she is and if I ever needed to see a podiatrist, I'd love to be treated by her. Dad never saw her again.

And now, recently I joined eHarmony as a small part of me would like to end up with a nice woman while the other half wanted to see who would express an interest in me. I send smiles and ice-breakers to show my interest and they instantly delete their profiles.

I just can't understand why.

16 Replies 16

adamc
Community Member

Hi. I'm 38-years old.

With the card to the Podiatrist, it was simply a "Get Well Soon" card.

With the eHarmony site, I created a profile and if you find someone interesting, you can either give them a smile or compliment their photo. Since I created my profile earlier in the week, women have only viewed it and that's all. Six women that I sent smiles to simply left a message saying "Goodbye". I emailed the site asking what it meant and they said it means they've cancelled all further contact.

With girls/women that seemed interested in me over the years, it seems it was always either for fun or to see how much money I'd spend on them.

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

That's okay, just in the context, were the cards attempts to date? It just seemed like u were disappointed by the response, in a way that sounded romantic or like u felt rejected.

I've given cards to workers before but there was no expectation, just that they'd enjoy it.

Dating apps are a pretty cruel space, I totally agree. I'm too scared to use them at all. Have you ever had a female friend? It sounds like u go between putting women on a dedestal for being pretty to feeling they are duplicitous. Women are just ppl, moody, insecure, Kind, pretty , unpretty, insecure, happy and sad. Some are nice some not so much. Hope there's someone sweet in Ur life soon.

tranzcrybe
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Right now, you are selling yourself short - wanting too much to be liked, and grabbing any morsels of attention as if its the beginnings of something wonderful.
In this sense, you are overlaying perception of something that may not (or never had been) there - building your house from the roof down, so to speak. A relationship will rarely sprout merely from what someone says or gleans from appearances, and clearly you have been traumatised during your formative years to make you question yourself and the motives of others.
I feel you would benefit from taking a more objective approach to read between the lines and assess people's qualities on a deeper, and less personally oriented level.
The same also applies to you, where your sense of self is very much premised on how others see you. Many of your experiences may have had no correlation to what followed, with the emotional distress/feelings of rejection arising solely from the reasons stated above.
Unfortunately, life rarely mimics the movies, and sometimes the plot can be far too complex to follow. But of all the people who pass you by, there will still be opportunity with no rhyme or reason if you can keep an open mind and enjoy people for who they are in their own right - independently of whether they even like you or not.

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello. Without knowing the context of what happened before the smilies.... While I have not used any of those services before if you have limited space to describe yourself and images there is perhaps little to get a good idea of what the other person is like.

Secondly, not all relationships happen like we might see on tv. Some require growth. Some require persistence. When the other person says goodbye you don't really know what sort of mood they are in.

At the same time it is easy to think there is something wrong with us

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

A lot of ppl gets rejected or hurt a lot in high school

Bullying is rampant. It does affect us in later years, but it is important not to stereotype a whole gender

Ie women only care about money, or are mean to ppl they don't find attractive

Who knows what happened to those women to leave the dating sight...

I Read once about an 3xcercise to help ppl overcome resentment

If u don't know the reason someone did something and assume the worst..., u could write Ur own story for why, make it up

Eg imagine that woman's partner left her that morning, she was so upset she joined a dating site to feel better and see if she was ready to date.....then she closed down the app , deciding she wasn't ready ....

JulieS101
Community Member

Hey, I am so sorry that you are going through this. You sound like a great guy who deserves a great girl. I am saying this in the nicest way possible to give you some potential perspective however i don’t know your situation , you could quite simply be dealing with horrible girls. As a woman when a man comes of even slightly creepy i block him or stop talking. I am not saying you have bad intentions but maybe the women you interact with see you in that manner. For the podiatrist situation i can see where she is coming from, what you did was sweet and obviously came from a good place, however she may have had experience with stalkers and what not and may have taken it like that. In a world where we are constantly in danger women need to be hyper vigilant and if anyone even slightly creeps us out we usually distance ourselves. Maybe if you have any platonic female friends ask them what red flags they see in some guys and try to reflect on that in regards to your interactions with women. once again i am not saying you are a creep or anything jusy good for thought

adamc
Community Member

I've lately been watching an anime about teenagers in high school trying to work up the courage to tell someone they like them, that they have feelings for them and it's depressed me because I've never had that.

In high school, I was always the shy, quiet one and the only time girls said they liked me is when they were pranking:

GIRL #1: "Excuse me, but my friend here likes you."

GIRL #2: "No, I don't."

 

I never once had a nice girl come up to me and genuinely expressed a likeness for me because she liked the kind of person I was.