Ex best friend

[SarBear_JT]

• Hey all I need some advice I have this ex best friend of 11yrs whom I haven’t spoken to in a year or two as I spent a lot of time helping her and I found out she slept with my boyfriend. She’s now trying to come back into my life asking for help and I’m not sure if I give her another chance or not as everytime I do she always shows me why I shouldn’t. I really wanna help her but is she taking advantage of my kindness? Do I help her or do I say enough is enough till she starts helping herself ? 

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am sorry to hear of the difficulties this friend has put you through! And in classic mercury retrograde style, an old friend has come back into your life! 

I think as you said yourself, you have given her chances before and she has continuously let you down. To me, that seems like a sign that maybe you shouldn't let her back in, and it seems to me like you don't really want to. Sometimes these people are very manipulative and try to pray on your vulnerability and kindness. She has shown you time again (including sleeping with your boyfriend) that she is not a good friend at all.

I think boundaries are important, and it is nice to help someone in need. You can show her the resources she needs and point her in the right direction, but if I was you I would be careful in letting her back into your circle and telling her information that you consider meaningful and vulnerable. X

I hope you figure this one out,

Jaz xx

[Juliet_84]

Hi Sarbear_JT,

The fact that she turned around and slept with your boyfriend after you spent a lot of time helping her, would be a hard no from me. It’s not even a red flag because a red flag is a warning that someone may not be a good person but she actually did it. She is obviously appealing to your empathy and willingness to help but you should give your energy to people who will at the very least appreciate it/you. She has shown herself to be someone who will just take and take and only look out for herself in any given situation with little regard for the effect it has on you. If it was me I’d save my energy for the people who deserve it and protect my peace. You haven’t spoken to her in a year or two so the memory of what she did and the hurt she caused has obviously faded but don’t forget the way she made you feel. Protect your peace 💜 

[HelloGail]

Hi SarBear 

Pardon me for alarm bells are sounding off reading your story and my advice is how low can this friend go. Please back off, you are vulnerable as you sound like me, a person who is warm and friendly. I've been there, my partner and I broke up. I had to leave the city where we all lived and I heard later through friends that my best friend chased after my ex, she broke us up by coming on to him. By the way my other friends told me that my ex was not actually romantically interested in her just a one night stand. This was 1985 and I have not spoken to her since. Please do not let this person come into your life again. Keep your dignity intact she will only bring you down. 

[CherryOnTop]

I think she knows which buttons to push to get you emotionally involved and then takes advantage of that. But she doesn't actually respect your feelings. Infidelity is a huge breach of trust. 

If she didn't want something from you I doubt she would be there. She's gone through her contacts list looking for someone useful. 

If it were me I would say "thanks for thinking of me, but I'm not able to help you. Best of luck with your project"