Emotional Blunting/Detatchment

[TTorna]

Hi all,

Sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, but I couldn't find much related to this issue. I've been dating a very close friend of mine for 6-8 weeks. We've been best friends for about 10 years prior to this. Things were going very well, until she told family about me and her family reacted badly. This negative response triggered her somehow and now she feels what she describes as emotional numbness towards me. No romantic feelings anymore. I'm very hurt, but she told me it isn't anything I've done, and that she thinks it is her brain's response to a negative response. She wants to stay together and try to work it out, which we have been trying. As far as I researched, emotional numbness/detatchment is a thing but I don't quite understand it and I want to understand it more. I'm not sure if I'm a fool for staying or if it is something that will eventually pass. She keeps saying she was very happy with us before and where we were going before the emotional detatchment for me she now feels.

It's been a week and a half, and I have to say it has been very difficult to accept she feels nothing and watching her be distant to me while she tries to also let me know she still wants this to work. I really want to work through it, but I'm not sure if it's just something permanent that has cut her feelings towards me. Has anyone experienced this in family or friends/partners? She says she's not depressed, which I know numbness can be depression, but it seems to be focused only towards me, which I don't get as I was not the one who upset her.

I guess my question is: how do you help someone with emotional detatchment/numbness towards you?

Thank you.

[uncut_gems]

Hi TTorna,

I'm sorry to hear that it turned out this way, but from what you describe it sounds like it is for the best, even if it is painful. As always, we're here for you on the forums if you need us!

Warmly,

Gems

[Tay100]

Hi TTorna

Sorry for the late reply! I'm glad what I said resonated with you and was able to provide with some direction. How are things going now? I see you have engaged in some great conversation with uncut_gems also, that's great to see. Please make the most of this thread, we are happy to support you over the long run 🙂

[TTorna]

Thanks! I do miss her all the time, but I think I am ultimately learning to heal and happier than I was not knowing. It was such a confusing time. I still don't quite understand what was going on with her, only that she wanted me one day, and in the space of one chat to her sister and 24 hours, she did not want me anymore. Makes it very difficult for me to trust her now, even as a friend. I haven't spoken to her since it ended, even though the urge has been there every single day to message her so I'm pretty proud of that lol.

[uncut_gems]

Hi TTorna,

So glad to hear that you're coming along– healing from the end of a relationship, especially one that ends in a tense or unusual way, can take time and patience with ourselves. I think you are absolutely right to be concerned if not a little wary about the events that you describe happening. I hold out hope that when the dust settles a bit, the two of you will be able to have a more honest conversation about what happened on her end and what her thought process was.

With time will come clarity for both of you about what exactly went down, and perhaps one of you will find that you are ready to reconnect a bit when that happens. For now, it sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing in removing yourself from the situation and continuing to be patient with yourself.

Very warmly,

Gems