Hello Roxi,
I just want to reach through this screen and give you a big hug. I can't imagine the pain in all the loss you have suffered but by God, the strength you have mustered up to keep occupied is tremendous.
Grief affects us all as you well know. It affects us in different ways and what can be a minor disagreement with someone can be perceived as a major rejection or even antagonisation.
I'm don't know how long it's been since you lost your husband, I know it still hurts. Your boys and their wives rejecting you - more pain. I wonder if you have read the section on grief and loss. If not, it's in "The Facts" menu then "Grief and Loss". I wonder if you identify with any of the stages of grief still. I'm not saying that once you reach the last stage everything is rosey. I'm wondering if you might be at stage 3 or 4. Not only for your husband, but your family as well. Them cutting off contact is a loss and it's a similar process - we grieve for the loss.
Do you have anyone professional to talk to? your GP or a counsellor? It can be difficult to get through grief alone sometimes and there are some ways that can make the trip a bit less painful. Being honest with your emotions and acknowledging them is one way. I'm sometimes frightened to allow a thought to go any further because of the emotion I think it will cause. I've since learnt that allowing them to happen, can be helpful.
Forgive me if I intrude. You might have a thought about how you and your husband used to say a particular thing or share a favourite meal. It's fine to reflect on those memories. They help you find that place in your heart for your husband where memories change from pain to fondness.
Same with the boys - perhaps they are grieving and something was said out of grief or blame was laid. Some time and honesty with your thoughts and emotions might help.
Birthday cards and Christmas cards can often help let the family know you are still thinking of them in an unintrusive way.
What are your thoughts Roxi?
With warmth.
Paul
