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Distant Relationship Advice

Community Member

OMG not sure where to start.... Married for 17 years been unhappy for last 10 or more Husband is narcistic verbally and has a bad temper. My past history unfaithful once briefly - over 5 years ago Husband found out not trusted me since Currently have been chatting online constantly everyday since April 2018 with one male overseas visited in October/ November 2018 for one month and returned again this year returning from abroad a week ago. This male divorced his wife in late June early July this year. Since we started chatting over twelve months ago he has told me many times everyday he loves me and misses me .. Recently about a month prior to me returning to him he told his close friends and family about me. He said I was his life his future and asked me my intentions When I arrived he told me I was his Girlfriend but a week into my stay he said he was not ready to coexist with me He thought he was ready but now is not .....I was very upset but he said he would fight until the last day of my stay and we would either win together or lose together Throughout the rest of my stay there were many highs and lows but we still told each other e wry day we li Ed each other. I am full of self doubt I am not good enough but he told me he is the problem. The day I left to return to Australia he called me back from the Security line to caress kiss me and say farewellHe said we would still write but it has not been the same Now he never tells me he loves me or misses me and only writes GoodMorning and Goodnight with no love language He is Italian and was very passionate in the year or so I have written to him When questioned about not writing inlove you or I miss you his reply was

I know your illness is emotional I am very sorry.

Honestly these days my heart is cold... and I can’t feel for anyone.... I am very depressed and feel very guilty.

Right now I need to be alone

I need comments about why he has I feelings anymore I can not sleep I constantly feel nauseated and am not coping

3 Replies 3

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Donnatello~

Welcome here to the Forum, it must have taken a fair amount of courage to tell your story, I thank you will find we understand.

I'm sorry you marriage is not what it should be, an angry and abusive partner is very hard to live with and I would think the desire to seek a more loving and gentler person very understandable.

Sadly the modern world allows what seems like close contact with others, however it most often can be an illusion.

Seeing someone on a screen allows the mind to fill in the blanks, and one ends up with an unrealistic, possibly fantasy idea of the other. Similarly having a week long fling with another when married is very different to being unattached, as you overseas man has found out.

The same applies to letters.

I am guessing but I'd suspect that when faced with the prospect of a real person, and no safety net of a wife it go back to, your overseas friend suddenly found life had been a fantasy, and the real version not waht he expected.

This is not to say you were at fault, just circumstances.

His subsequent letters after your return probably only represent guilt at having led you on for so long.

It is understandable that you would find the whole thing depressing and have a lack of trust for people in the future, may I ask why you feel guilty?


Community Member
I understand what you have posted Our love was very real. I do not feel guilty .It is him who has mentioned guilt. I guess time will paint a clearer picture of Truth!

Community Champion
Community Champion

My apologies for misunderstanding