Depressed Partner Has Broken Up With Me

[Jemma89]

I have been with my partner for a year on Saturday. We’re 30 years old.
During this time, he has suffered from severe depression, thoughts of suicide at points in time.
He started seeking the help he needs a few months ago and making changes for himself to move forward. I have also started seeing a psychologist to look after myself too. I was starting to take his attacks on me personally so have overcome that with the help I need.
Our relationship has been very up and down, regular arguments about small things which sometimes result in him withdrawing from me for days at a time. It seems like a constant cycle.
He has recently said that he is the best he has ever felt and does not want to go back to where he was.
He has stopped taking medication and seeing his psychologist as he feels he doesn’t need either anymore.
Last night he broke up with me. He said he can’t love me like I need to be loved and can’t force himself to. He also said that he has never been in love with someone before. He’s had previous relationships before me. This is hard for me to accept due to our age.
Despite the bad times, he is perfect for me. I have been patient to wait for the bad times to pass but understand they will arise from time to time.
I have never felt so ‘right’ about someone before and really think/thought he was the one for me. Everything about him is perfect.
I have begged for him to stay with me before, and he has. But I need to be strong this time and have him learn what he wants without my influence.
I guess I’m just wanting to know if despite him saying he’s feeling the best he ever has, is it his depression that has made this decision or actually how he feels? He said he fears going back to how to was feeling and I can understand that woukd be a horrible feeling.

[geoff]

Hello Jemma, and a warm welcome to the forums.

It's good that the two of you have already been to counselling, however, as he's stopped taking his medication and the counselling doesn't mean he should stop going to his doctor.

There is much you have spoken about but I'll keep this brief, just to let you know that your thread has been answered.

Depression can come and go so it's possible for someone to have a relapse, unfortunately, I've had a few, whereas others don't, and this is certainly something no one can predict.

To answer your query, when /if you overcome depression you do feel fantastic and back in control so it might be both.

I'd like to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[quirkywords]

Jemma,

too wish to welcome you to the forum.

It must be confusing for you to hear your partner say one thing then a little while say the opposite. You do seem very understanding of his depression are are trying to make sense of what is happening.

AS you realise depression can be quite deceiving and cruel that can make someone feel like that are not connected to all aspects of their life. All those feelings like love do not seem real and one can question what one really feels.

When I was very depressed I didn't want anyone around and I pushed loved ones away but then I would complain I was lonely. It does not make sense that is the reality of depression.

Has he been off the medication the same time he has been feeling the best?

Some people may make decisions when depressed that they regret while others feel they did the right thing.

I too think it would be helpful if your partner keeps in contact with his doctor.

I hope you are looking after yourself and have someone to talk to as this must be very stressful and emotional for you.

Feel free if you want to continue this discussion.

Quirky

[Jemma89]

Thanks for your reply. He has stopped both the medication and seeing his psychologist since has started to feel better. I have encouraged him to see his psychologist, even if it’s just once a month but he believes he doesn’t need to.

We agreed to make the break up as respectful as we can, as we share a lot of the same close mutual friends. We were at a friends birthday last night and I saw him before we went there, to remind him not announce it to anyone while there and not speak about it as a) it was our friends birthday and not appropriate and b) there were some people I hadn’t told yet and c) I don’t want our friends to be uncomfortable around us.

These are all things we agreed on previously, only yesterday when I spoke to him I was accused of trying to control him by controlling who he can talk to and what he can say.

Last night at the birthday, he had a look in his eyes that I am able to recognise as the look when he is in a very depressive state or is about to head that way.

I know this is hard on him too but can’t help but worry when I see that look in his eyes that I know too well.

[Rodman316]

Sorry to hear of your situation. Break ups are something no body wants to go thru. My wife left me a day ago. I suffer depression and it got the better of us. I to feel that she is the only one for me. Im doing everything in my power to help myself. You just need to stay strong and look after yourself. Put a good support network around you and take it day by day. I hope your doing better at this time