Hi, welcome
Fear is one of the worst things to tolerate and eliminate. Worrying about your fear can be serious also and before you know it you are looking at a poor quality of mental health. Thats why we are here, we've experienced these symptoms and have in the main, overcome them enough to live peacefully.
At 17yo I joined the defence, the RAAF. I had to get away from home as it was quite toxic and I only found out from sheer coincidence in 2009 at age 53yo that bipolar and Borderline PD were the culprits. These illnesses made my family toxic and over the years I've had to make some drastic and hurtful decisions for my own sanity.
The defence covered all issues at the time- food, accommodation, adult pay, a career choice, mate ship and I could measure how often I visited home. Yes, at 17 I had fear, among men up to double my age and becoming fit. I hope you consider it.
Fear of losing people that are close to you is I think - intrusive thoughts. I had this during a traumatic workplace issue when I was 31yo. I was off work for 10 months and during that time had thoughts of my boss visiting me, my pay not being given to me, my car breaking down, you name it. My then therapist taught me how to erase these thoughts, by distraction. Do you have a passion? A hobby? Sport? interest?
Therapy can be very good for these intrusive thoughts and fears. I'd recommend it. You have obviously had your family as strong security regardless of them" not being any good for you". Have you thought of moving out but close by? Then you could visit every day just for a short time then every second day etc
I hope that helps. Repost anytime.
TonyWK
