Deceased partner's Mother

[Michael_W]

Hi,

My Partner of many years passed away 10 years ago and he made his mother and I promise him that we would both look after each other for the rest of our lives. My partner also told me he would be furious if I did not "move on" after his demise.

I have honoured his wish and keep in constant contact with is Mother, escorting her to appointments, shopping, socialising, odd jobs around the house, paying bills etc. I moved out of the home my deceased partner, his Mother and I shared 2 years after his death, as I met some one new and she found it too soon and was quite rude to my new partner. Despite me moving out and still keeping in regular contact, my ex mother in law has decided she doesn't like my new partner and he is no longer welcome in her home. She has become very nasty and has created false rumours in the community, tarnishing my partner and my reputations. She has become two faced towards me and resents me "moving on". She commenced excessively drinking 10 years ago and I think this is now affecting her behaviour and judgement. She has recently alienated me from family gatherings with no explanation. I am "indebted" to her as I have financial interests in the property she currently resides in and I feel she may be using this fact as a tool to "keep me in the picture". I am currently at my wit's end as I feel what ever I do, I am getting no where by keeping in contact. I have loyalty to my new partner of 9 nears. Any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated.

[Guest_7403]

Sounds like a grieving mother who hasn't quite come to terms with her childs death.
She probably needs to see psychologist as she cant deal with what's happened

[quirkywords]

Michael W,

Welcome to the forum . This is a kind and supportive place.

I too feel that your partner's mum is grieving so much for her son and while she see you have got on with your life her son is no longer around. She also may resent that you have a another partner. It may not sound rational but long term grieving isn't and the pain is always there. Losing a child has such a profound effect on someone.

You sound like you are a very caring person and have helped your partner's mum as much as you can.

Do you think she may be worried you are forgetting about her son. of course you are not, but grief like depression plays tricks on ones mind.

Has she had any grief counselling or would she consider to join a support group of other bereaved parents?

I think you can only acknowledge how much she is hurting .Maybe reassure her you still think of her son and you want to help her.

What would you like to happen so the situation can improve?

Quirky

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

You cant commit fully to such promises. Your promise to help your mother in law is an intent.

But people change as do circumstances.

With the property i would seek the advice of a lawyer.

I would also move on. But I'd also remain kind to her.

TonyWK

[Michael_W]

Thank you for that Quirky,

I speak of her Son often in her presence. er grief is compounded as She lost both parents within 6 months of each other, the following year She lost Her Husband, the following year, my partner and her only remaining Son the next year. She has refused all offers of counselling and/or support groups. She feels alcohol assists her with her grief. She did not have time to grief for all those she lost, due to the time frames of their deaths.

She has recently become nasty towards her only remaining blood relative, (Her Grand Daughter). It appears to me, she is hurting and "pushing away" the ones that truly love her.