Hi anx, welcome
Well the first thing to acknowledge is that the rules/commitment might have changed. You need to ask her what her thoughts are in terms of her detachments from you. Eg Say she states that while separated she has no bond to you and things are free rein, she thinks it will be ok to date/sleep with other men for example. Then you know exactly where you stand. It will give you clarity as difficult your life will be emotionally, better to know than find out down the track.
Then there is the "oh, we are still committed to each other" reply to your question but all the while you "feel", guess that she has abandoned your trust. So this is leading to what I'm about to say-
In my opinion, if my wife told me this, that she is unsure and was pressured by her family to marry me and she was unsure if she is in love with me or not....I would believe straight away she is not in love with me and she is having things both ways for a while. This would be unsatisfactory to me.
So how do you cope? Firstly leave her alone. Regular contact will satisfy her. Don't contact!! Keep busy, very busy. For me during my separation from my first wife I bought land and built a house with my own hands. I was too tired and too busy to even grieve often for my kids, I did of course but less often than I would have if idle.
"How long do I let this go for"? You get on with your life. When she contacts you and asks what you have been doing all this time alone you do not let her know your activities. This is not a game, its privacy of a single person's life because while she isn't with you she is not your wife. She cant have it both ways. She should not be fully privy to your life if she wants to be apart from you after all....she said she wants a separation to find out what she wants...not to pursue your activities. She has not separated so as to find out what you would do without her.
Radical steps!! You change your life to include interesting activities. Be it sports venues, movies, friends gatherings, motorcycling, interstate driving trips and so on.
Some might think I'm too firm. I think a couple should either commit and remain committed or not, not have a grey relationship whereby you don't know where you are at. It's cruel to leave you in limbo.
That's the risk my wife would be taking.I wouldn't necessarily be just there for her when she wanted to return. True love isn't that one way.
Also she is shifting blame onto her family.
Tony WK
