Dealing with Depression at work...taking a sick day once a month to deal with stress?

[Jessksch]

So I have been at my job for over a year now, and maybe each month I take one sick day and only work part-time anyways (I know I am very lucky in this case, especially how things are today).

Lately they have been putting me on getting things completed before a certain time frame , so there is a bit of pressure on me, but it has been fine for months and I like that there was a bit of challenge for me.

This week has been horrendous though: I have seen a few people in the year crying and being upset in the bathrooms ( about 6 people since this year) and on Mon morning already was someone called in and came out of the main office crying. Then we had a meeting that we were too slow in doing our work and need to prioritize speed over quality of work. Now, this hit me hard as I like giving my best quality of work for individual clients and it was helping them  in the long run. It involves health so I want them to get the best of health as I can offer.

Since that Monday, I kind of lost it today; the manager and supervisor were also under pressure and kept putting things in front of me, I put things in sections I knew I was rightfully doing, they assumed it put it there so I didn't have to handle the situation, but when I explained it, they were "fine" and put it back. No apology. This aggressive assumption that I was incompetent, as well as how things started this week really set me off. I took off work for tomorrow as when I got home all I could do was fall asleep.

I feel so guilty now, since I asked two weeks ago for a day off and they gave it to me for a long weekend, and now I am asking for a day off to rest when things are busy. My head is hurting so much at the moment still and I think the stress of this week alone has made me physically sick with a sinus infection.

I guess I kind of needed to vent to people who could understand. I am seeing my psychologist tomorrow for a talk and keep up with my mental health plan.

[Tibel]

As far as I'm concerned, this is unacceptable. You have to prioritise yourself, your employers shouldn't want you to burn out. If they really are stretched thin, they should be doing everything they can to keep you.

From what I gather from your post you take a lot of pride in your work. This is an incredible virtue, and it's not one everyone has. Your employers ought to consider themselves lucky to have you. 

If you need time off, you need time off. One day a month really isn't so bad, you are entitled to ten days per year paid sick leave anyway. 

Save your money, keep your resume updated, and be willing and ready to walk away from toxic work environments. Indifference is a powerful tool, if you can cultivate an attitude that says to the world "I know what I'm worth, and if you want me around you better value me appropriately" then your employers attitude will quickly change. I know it can be difficult to stand up for yourself, especially in professional contexts, but if you fail to do so you run the risk of being taken advantage of.

I hope this helps. I certainly hate confrontation myself, but thankfully I never have to deal with it. Every employer I've ever had has shown me adequate respect (sometimes more respect than I deserved), which is why it's so heartbreaking to read about your situation. I hope things get better for you.

[Jessksch]

Yeah it was just a lot of negative events that kind of made me spiral out of control for some reason. Today I kind of lost it, because it was lowering our quality plus seeing a girl I cared about crying, plus my manager and supervisor who kept bothering me with things AND also, I don't see any incentive or praise. Instead of being happy I come in to work and start 10minutes early almost every day, they kept bothering me and "checking up" on me if I'm making mistakes, and if I did it was the end of the world. I lost it today and tears were running down my face, everyone didn't understand why I lost it but my sinuses hurt too much to even care.

In the end we are going to move away anyways for my partner's job so I would be leaving soon anyways, but still want to have my own money while I can since I don't like relying on anyone.

[Jessksch]

I ended up taking most of the week off now, I talked to my psychologist yesterday and broke down crying, I didn't expect to have been doing so unwell... I do tend to leave feelings inside as I don't have anyone to really talk to and I hate talking to my close family and friends because even though they say they care, they get tired of not being able to help me and get angry and frustrated so I just go to forums or my psychologist.

It doesn't help that my partner is "jealous" wishing he could take off days from his work. Apparently he can't and is afraid he will lose his job because of it?...I just feel like crap now and guilty since he said that.

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow to talk about the bad effect I've been having since being on the new meds anyways.

[P12]

Hi Jessksch,

I relate to some of your experiences. I have difficulty giving advice other than sharing my own experience.

I think the conflict between managers and staff is longstanding.

Basically I think there are two options. A) Remain at the organisation. Devising a way to overcome the conflict can be empowering and confidence building. B) Leave the organisation. Life is a bit like trying to find a needle in a haystack and it requires a lot of trial and error.

My experience is that I have had two employers. I first felt discomfort after 3-4 years with my first employer. I persevered until 6 1/2 years. Eventually it became too much. I don't regret leaving but also don't hold a grudge against it. I began to feel discomfort with my second employer after 2 years. I have now been with my organisation for the same time as my first employer. I think I will not remain forever, but I don't have immediate plans to change.

There is a huge variety of organisations: large, small, private, public, not-for-profit, etc.

I think large, public organisations are generally more inclusive because outlier behaviour is more likely to be suppressed. However, small, private organisations might make you feel more valued and motivated if you find one where your unique skills and personality are highly useful.

I believe taking personal leave is legitimate if that works for you.

Generally I think it gets a bit easier with experience but I also find I am faced with greater challenges when I think I have managed smaller ones. I think life is a bit like a bell curve, the second half being easier.

[Jessksch]

Thank you all for the replies, I really appreciate it.

I have been on this new med for 2 days now, I feel much better, but am still a bit anxious about things, but I guess that most people would going back to work again after taking a week off work.

The most anxious think I have to go through at the moment is that everything with the doctors etc is costing so much money. I am hoping if I can spread out the sessions in months as I am doing much better today with things and coping and I want to give a month at least for the new medication to work.

All in all much better, not great, but way better than a week ago.