Dad

[Jackson1994]

Anyone who knows a bit about me on here may know that my dad isn't the nicest guy in the world and we have minimal contact after he left when I was pretty young

Im making this post because he has been contacting me, he sent me a message not long after midnight saying happy new year, although I appreciated them I got a few so just ignored them all, generally people just send them to their whole contact list

He messaged me again 1:05am, have a good year maybe this year things will work out for you

I replied, they did this year but thanks dad

By 2am I'd gotten a page long I'm sorry for not being there message let's go for a drink tomorrow night we can make things good

I didn't reply I was with my partner and I wasn't ruining both our Nye getting worked up over it

Now I'm upset, I see him I risk him upsetting me, I don't see him I risk him hating me and mum even more

[Jackson1994]

yeah i did and i shouldn't of but I'm stupid, everyone warned me but i did it anyway.

i said at the start, this is it dad last chance but he still messed up.

[CMF]

Don't beat yourself up. You told him last chance, he messed up. I think it makes it clear to you what he is like and he probably will not change. I know it hurts but you can't change it.

Look at it this way, you tried one more time, give yourself credit for that, you gave it a chance,now start the year fresh. You have a lot of good stuff happening for you, focus on that.

I hope you are ok.

cmf x

[Jackson1994]

I'm not really ok but I'm staying at Mums. Didn't want to tell her whats going on but I was that upset I had to.

[CMF]

Do you want to tell what happened? I hope he didn't hurt you physically. Sometimes we reach a point where we have been hurt too many times and we need to switch off what we are hoping for to avoid more hurt. I know myself I have shut down and put up a wall.

[Jackson1994]

yes

we were in a public place, i thought if he's going to say anything to me he won't do it here, he was really good but then he was being a bit of jerk later on, I said I told you this is it, I went to leave, walking back to my car in the dark he followed me

[Jackson1994]

he did but I'm ok

we were in a public place he was being pretty good, then he started being a bit mean i said i told you this is the last chance I'm giving you, i went to leave and he followed me in the dark on the way to my car

[CMF]

OMG, that makes me feel sick. I think he has his own MH issues. Do you still see your psych?

'So maybe it's time to stop wanting something that probably won't ever happen'

Maybe you could talk about what it is you've been wanting and how to overcome these feelings? You may already be doing this, if not I think it's something to be addressed so you can let go of whatever is holding you there.

I'm so sorry that happened to you again. It makes me so angry. You're no ones punching bag, you deserve so much better.

[Jackson1994]

Yeah well I didn't think he did until now. But after last night there is definitely something going on in his head.

He like pinned me up against the wall near where I parked my car and started saying all this stuff to me and then hurt me

I called mum and she offered to pick me up because I was that upset, I couldn't even see properly, but I didn't want to wait so I went straight there. She was really upset which is why I didn't want her to know about any of this I didn't want to upset her. So I'm having a day off today.

[CMF]

Sometimes when wedon't get what we wish forit's a blessing in disguise. I know this from experience.It's hard to let go of the hope but it is necessary.

I feel really upset for you.

CMF x

[Sophie_M]

Hey Jackson, 

It is really difficult to open up about issues like this so you're really brave for having the courage to come here and seek support. 

We're sorry that you and your family have had to endure this for as long as you have. 

Violence is never okay and we hope you know that regardless of who they are, nobody should ever make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable under any circumstance. 

If you need further support outside the forums, we would recommend contacting 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) for further support. 

Keeping checking in with us here to let us know how you are and so our community and continue to support you through this. 

Cheers!