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Dad's Easily Frustrated And Won't Do Anything About It

adamc
Community Member

My dad's 70-years old and I've noticed he gets easily frustrated over the tiniest things. He also has health issues but is happy to just tolerate them.

For example, when an ATM didn't give him a receipt he just blurts out "Things just keep going wrong today!!"

Also, he has electric gardening tools like a line trimmer and a blower and he's always complaining about dragging leads around and sometimes throwing them to the ground in frustration and each time I offer to replace them with lead-less ones, he refuses saying "No, I will persevere with them."

Back in December, he walked out the door in the middle of the afternoon and didn't come back till the next morning.

My mum hurt her foot in December and while doing the dishes, he said "I won't have to put up with it any longer" and when I asked him why, he just plainly responded "Don't worry about it."

Sometimes I just get the impression that instead of having his problems fixed, he'd just prefer to complain about them and how he has to put up with it.

3 Replies 3

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Adamc, thanks for posting and sorry your comment has been overlooked.

Sometimes people this age, and I'm 67, tend to believe that their problems are to be fixed by themselves, rather than letting another person help you, but if you were able to get battery operated line trimmer and blower for him, then I'm sure he would be thrilled, just make sure they have 2 batteries that could be interchanged between each other and that there is always a battery charging or fully charged when needed.

You can also get a lawn mower that runs on a battery.

If the items don't have this, then once the battery runs out and he doesn't have a spare, it's no different than before, so he needs to have a spare always available.

Don't take any note when he says 'no' because as soon as he starts using them he will be wrapped.

Take away the items that need cords and store them at your place, if possible, then he'll be curious.

Good luck.

Geoff.

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Adamc

This must be incredibly hard, watching your dad experience such frustration while not appearing to do much about it. Such an experience, as an observer, can definitely be triggering in a number of ways.

As a 51yo gal who's lost some ability, based on the natural aging process, there are times where I find a sense of loss a little challenging. It can actually threaten to be a bit depressing at times. And as someone who's watching 2 aging parents go through ongoing loss, due to the aging process and ill health, what I tend to witness is my parents feeling sorrow for themself. Instead of 'Feeling sorry for our self' I've found it's much healthier to address feeling sorrow and why we're feeling such sorrow.

To lose that sense of self who could effortlessly mow the lawn or whip the edges at some point might be a challenge for your dad. To lose that sense of self that had a brilliant memory at one point could also be challenging. To lose that sense of self that could easily find the best in a bad situation can be a massive challenge. The internal dialogue that can come with all this can point to having gained a sense of self that can be highly triggering - the inner critic. The inner critic can sound a little like 'You're useless, what good are you to anyone?!' or 'What's the point in being here when you can't do much anymore?!'. They're question/statements, combined. It's the type of dialogue that can offer a constructive question while stating a depressing observation. This leads me to wonder whether your dad might be struggling with depression to some degree.

I've found that the most important factor that comes with a sense of loss or a lost sense of self is...it must be replaced with a constructive one. If not replaced, a depressing void remains. While you offer cordless tools to replace corded ones, which is a naturally brilliant solution, maybe all your dad can see is the sense of self he's lost that could once work with corded tools.

While at 84 my mum is open to self development, at 87 my dad's not. He suffers through not budging. My mum works on gaining a new sense of self just about anytime she loses an old one. While once being an incredibly fit woman, she now works on developing a sense of self that enjoys being pushed around in a wheelchair. It's a massive challenge for her, to change the way she identifies herself, but she's getting there. As I say to her 'To develop the skill of manipulating your own brain/perception can pay off'.

Sophia16
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Adamc,

Thank you for being so open here. I know what you are going through is so difficult. You have been so strong.

When people reach the age of 70, they change. Their life changes, their patience is limited and they struggle to see the beauty of life. They have lived their life so they have not much to look forward to. I know it is so hard but you are very patient in dealing with it all.

Maybe expressing to your dad how you feel about him complaining may help. Just remember, communication is key. He may be struggling with something but just doesn't express it.

Stay safe and I am always here to chat.