Crying tears on the inside

[Doolhof]

Yesterday was the 23rd anniversary of our son's premature birth and early death.

I feel like I have no one here to share those thoughts and emotions with in person.

That makes me feel so very much alone and very sad.

I've been crying rivers of tears on the inside. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep plodding along through the day.

I'd love for this pain to leave me alone. At times it feels so consuming, like it will swallow me up. But I keep going on. One painful step at a time.

I never knew that love and grief could hurt so much.

My dearest son, at least you are there with your siblings, where ever "There" may be.

I will always love you all with all my heart. Huge hugs and never ending love, from your Mum xxx

[Lost_Girl]

That's wonderful Mrs. Dools. Let us know how it all goes.

Thinking of you xx

[Fairywings]

Hello again lovely lady i talk to my babies every night they r always around me and Deon since I had all of my babies cremated their ashes were sprinkled in the open waters of Melbourne's beaches xx my little ones will also be free just like their mummy who is free as a bird xx 😘 😘

[Doolhof]

Thanks, yes I will let you know how it all goes.

Last night we had friends over to visit, one couple have two children aged about 5 and 8, a boy and a girl. They are adorable. I really enjoyed having them here and chatting with them.

I'm guessing regular children use the Riding for the Disabled, so I am be able to build up a relationship with some of them while assisting them.

It will be interesting anyway.

Cheerio for now

[Doolhof]

Hi again. Guess I never thought of having our babies cremated. They were buried in a special part of a cemetery for little babies, right at the heart of the whole place.

I don't suppose it really matters where they are, as we can always have them in our hearts and minds. Same as all loved ones who die.

The cemetery is not a place I have visited for many years now. One day I may feel like returning to see their grave sites. Maybe not. Either option is fine.

The beach is always a restful place for me.

Cheerio for now.

[Fairywings]

That's right they will always be with us no matter what 😍

[Guest_322]

Hi Mrs Dools,

I love the Miss 4 anecdote! I'm sure choc chip biscuits make for a very "sensible" meal in her eyes 😉 All the ,uh, essential food groups like sugar and chocolate ha, ha.

Thanks for keeping us posted about how things are going for you. I have no doubt that you'll be a wonderful asset to the Riding for the Disabled group, and as you said, it will put you in close proximity to both children and horses. It's a win-win-win!

Hope the chat with the lady about volunteering went well yesterday (assuming it was the Monday that just passed).

Dottie x

[Doolhof]

Hi Dottie and Everyone,

I'm not sure if it is me, the computer or both, but something funny is going on here this morning!

At last I have managed to connect with this site anyway, so that is good.

Yesterday I attended the session of the Riding for the Disabled. I was introduced to everyone there, the coordinator for the volunteers was happy to see me.

I was just watching what took place and was very impressed with how they do things. I had a chat with some of the children and their parents, met some of the horses and ponies and learnt what section is the front of the saddle and which end is the back while helping to put them away at the end of the sessions.

Think I will visit the library and see if they have some books on horses! Ha. Ha.

There was also an older man with crippling arthritis riding one of the horses. I had a chat with him, he apparently rode horses most of his life and now has the opportunity to get back on a horse again.

Just being out in the sunshine and seeing the joy on the children's faces was lovely.

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Mrs. Dools,

It sounded like a really lovely day.

If you search on the internet for "beginner basics equusite", there is some good information that may help. If you search for "horse basics 101" there is a wealth of information.

I look forward to hearing more about it, as you progress, if you're happy to share.

Warm regards,

Carol

[Fairywings]

How lovely glad to hear u had a wonderful day being able to enjoy that glorious sunshine xx Venessa

[Doolhof]

Hi Carol and Venessa,

Thanks for the info on the sites to check out Carol, I will have a look at those.

I have pages of paper work to go through to organise a Police check as I will be helping children.

I was also given some basic info on the association, their rules, regulations and guidelines so I will read that soon too.

Due to my continual degeneration of my back, I have resigned from work, giving them a month's notice, so life is a bit messy right now telling my clients I will no longer be assisting them. One lady burst into tears yesterday when I told her. It broke my heart.

It is hard to know how they will all react. At least I have a few things to look forward to during the week like the Riding for the Disabled.

Cheerio all, from Mrs. Dools