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Crush on good friends husband

Sandy centre
Community Member

Hi all

I have been married 9 years however have had a huge crush on a married person for 7 years. I still love my husband and have not cheated on him.

I don't if I developed this crush because I can't have children naturally and we have finished the ivf path. I feel gu

I am good friends with my crush 's wife however yesterday she told me that my crush is interested in someone else and it is not me.

56 Replies 56

Sandy centre
Community Member

Dear Blondguy

My apologies for any confusion to you and your team...

if you are able to give many any suggestions to help bout the crush as it is the same person that would be great



Hi Sandy,

Welcome back! So what is happening in your life right now? It sounds like you still have a crush on this other guy!

How is that working for you? Do yo feel fulfilled in your life? Do you feel settled and like you are in a place where you want to be? Are you at peace?

I sometimes ask myself these questions. There are a lot of things I don't like in our relationship, then I think maybe I need to change things so I am the best person I can be and my husband might be happier as well if I am happier with myself.

Sometimes we need to let go of a person that is not right for us and move on. Do you think you can move on?

How much value do you have in your life right now? Do you have interests and hobbies that give you a sense of achievement and purpose?

Moving on is hard, it is worth the battle at times.

Cheers from Dools

Dear Mrs Doolhof

Thank you for your response.

i don't think that I am really that happy and I feel really bad for my husband. I don't like how I have let this crush guy mess with my head....my husband wants to see this crush sometime because he likes him however he has noticed that I haven't been myself and said he will see him sometime...... . My husband last year pretty much gave me an ultimatum guessing who the crush was and then said to me I need to know if you want to go overseas with me in few years for work or stay here...... I haven't told the crush this bit about going overseas..after this in October ...I did however tell the crush that I like him and that I need to make a big decision..... my crush's response was I am out of a big relationship and i don't want to ruin our friendship..... my crush then said are you disappointed? and said I am here for you...... and you are going to have to work a solution and if you can fix your marriage.....

Anywazz I hadn't seen my crush since October And didn't help that I saw my crush at 2 work things this week.... nothing was spoken about this.....

i am sorry about the lengthy mills and boon message but if you have any suggestions to help

i would appreciate it.... I have seen a psychologist however I am not sure if they have really helped me.......

Thank you

Hi Sandy Centre,

I'm wondering what the psychologist told you or recommended you do. I find that I "don't find the psychologist helpful" when they tell me stuff that I actually know if true and don't want to admit to!

Think for a moment what it would be like to walk out from your husband and to leave everything behind.

Does this guy you have a crush on offer you a new life together?

You mentioned Mills and Boons, oh how wonderful it would be if our lives were that romantic! I am sure many of us desire the perfect relationship, the love, affection, devotion, excitement and everything else that goes with a the perfect relationship.

Do you think you may be chasing dreams? I know in the past I have, only for the dream and the fantasy to come crashing to the ground.

Could yo go away for a long weekend by yourself, with no contact with anyone else and see how you feel about your husband, your marriage and your "friend" after that.

Maybe write down the pros and cons of staying with your husband, leaving him, and trying to shack up with this other guy who may not even want that to happen.

Sometimes we need to let go of things we just can't have! It is tough, but it is sometimes the only way to move forward again.

Cheers from Dools

Hi Dools

Thanks for the tip.

I would love to just go away by myself but not sure how to go about it without feeling more stressed.... do ...I will be on holidays in a few weeks.....

Thanks for your suggestions and points



Hi Sylvia,

It can be really tough when you don't really know where you want to be or when you want to be in two places at the same time, with two guys maybe and can't choose who to be with.

I know what it is like to dream and to wish things were different. The reality is what it is though.

You mentioned you will be on holidays soon. Without going back over what you have written, are you going on holidays with your husband?

Is there some way in life you can change how you react and feel towards your husband in a positive way?

Now and then I "play" at being the good wife. I try to be extra chirpy, agree with what my husband says, go to places with him I don't really want to go to because he does and that kind of thing. Makes me feel better about our relationship and helps me to see "US" in a different light.

What would you like to happen in your situation? Is there any chance this guy will play house with you if you do leave your husband? You could well end up with no one! That would be an awful situation.

Loving and desiring someone other than your current partner is tough! It must be tearing your up inside, so I feel you really do need to decide what you can do to help yourself feel better.

Not sure what else to suggest here!

All the best from Dools

Hi there

Well i thought I was going along ok for a few weeks except my crush contacted me last night via SMS saying basically he is dealing with more problems than anyone can handle still and needs to block it out with sorry next to it..... I didn't sleep very much last night as to me it seemed like a suicide message...... I sent him a message this afternoon saying back to him really sorry and happy to chat if he wants..... I haven't got a reply??

Do you think he is playing games with me again or do you think i should call him tomorrow?

Any advice about the ongoing mills and boon saga would be appreciated.

I am still feeling very confused as things with my husband have been going well for the past few weeks.

Thank you