Confused- depressed boyfriend.
My boyfriend has just recently told me that he suffers from depression due to a few things that have happened in his life.
Last week he messaged me saying he was having a bad day and didn't know if a relationship is what he wanted at the moment and asked for space and told me he would speak to me the following day. I gave him space and the next day he was more willing to speak about it and told me he has gone through a similar thing before and not to take anything personally, and asked me to go to his. I went to his and he was quiet but willing to talk and told me about his past experiences, treatment, therapy.. I told him I was there for him no matter what and he was grateful.
The next few days he was detached but still speaking, Friday night we did our usual date night and although it was hard to get him out once he was out it was ok.
Sat and sun he turned his phone off and went away to clear his head.
Monday he was not ok and didn't really want to speak.
Today he has gotten more bad news which has put him in a worse place, he is now saying that all this isn't fair on me and I deserve to be happy. I told him I want to be there for him and will be there no matter what but he says it just isn't fair on me. He also said he is going to turn his phone off and not talk to anyone for a while.
I don't know what I can and should do in this case, but I really want to be there for him. Please if anyone has any advice or similar situations I would be extremely grateful.
Firstly, welcome to the forums.
We see many people come here seeking advice on how to help their partners, family or friends dealing with a mental illness and you are doing all the right things for him and being there and supporting him is the best thing you can be doing at this stage. Some people respond better than others to when people are offering support during tough times, he wants to turn his off and just be alone with his thoughts which is his choice of course and really all you can do is respect that but keep gently reminding him that you are there for him and will continue to be there for him. Do you know if he is currently seeking professional help for his depression?
One part of these forums you can read is the supporting someone section which has information on supporting someone with a mental illness. Simply go to the top of the page and go to "The facts" section and scroll down to the supporting someone section.
My best for you and your partner,
Thankyou both for your reply.
He is still saying that I'm better off without him and I should be happy so don't really know what to do about that.
He has also ignored since saying that so sent him a sweet one and going to leave it at that for now.
He was getting treatment, but stopped and said it doesn't do anything and this is something he has to do himself.
I feel this is one of those things where you sort of need to respect his wishes and give him some space however still being there for him and gently letting him know that. I know it is hard for you and it will be very hard for him. Just keep being there.
So we have decided to just go back to being friends for now, to let him focus entirely on himself and not feel guilty at all. Hopefully in the future we can work things out, and he knows that I still fully support him and will be there for him.
Thankyou Jay for your well wishes.