Cheated upon, coercive controled and blamed

[Loat_trust]

I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all physically assaulted me multiple times and my kids. But when I finally got an IVO against her all she had to do is put a false report against me.

Vic Police was so accomodating with her about her false accusations which were historical, but when it came to me I struggled first to even give a statement. The details of her cheating and how it impacted me including getting assualt by the man (causing fractured ribs) was not relevant.

Her simple allegation of me damaging a bathroom door got me charged with indicitable offence, but her assualt in presence of my kids and parents, resulting in stitches on my ear was not enough to charge her.

As a man if I sought help the authorities accused me of using the system. 

There is no hope here for men, I do agree as a gender we are more responsible for family violence, but not all men are same. 

My lawyers are amazed, and yes we will contest it. But how long is one can go on like this.

What can I do? No perm add, funds are drained so bad. Is there any place I can be heard ?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Sorry to hear that as it is a terribly frustrating place to be. Briefly, married on the 80's for 11 years to a woman that used mental and emotional torture on me. It wasnt illegal. We had 2 young kids. I eventually became suicidal (no knowledge then of my bipolar and under autism spectrum).

Back to you. Whatever the legal and law situation you are in, the priority I'm sure will agree is two things- your children and your health. When I left I had one thing on my mind- that I will be the best part time dad my kids will ever have and I was. But, I didnt have custody issues, I had them every second weekend and holidays, still hard but would have been harder is I went long periods without them in my life. Also hard is watching my youngest manipulated by my ex wife demonising me. That led to a now estranged relationship. 

There is some things out of our control.

That sentence above is a saying I have adopted. If you are stressed and need to put things into perspective then say that to yourself... also remember- one day your kids will walk up your driveway and knock on your door. Curiosity will drive them there.

The final thing on that matter is that once 18yo everything about your ex is history, no more child support or conflict. Life becomes wonderful again. 

The beauty of this forum is we are open for your postings 24/7/365 to get things off your chest. Then just wait for a reply.

In your legal situation it is enduring, sad and debilitating all at the same time. If you'd like to reply as long and as often as you like go ahead. It would be ideal to get a agreement with your ex on all things that matter, but it often is the case that its why you didnt make it in the first place- incompatibility or other reason. So I'm sorry I havent got any solutions to the legal side of things except to suggest you be as flexible as you can. 

When my youngest reached 18yo I contacted her mother and told her never to contact me ever again for whatever reason. She hasnt and that was 13 years ago. Life really does end up wonderful again. 

In the meantime there is no option but to fight on and do your best, your best is always good enough. It's the system that isnt up to scratch on equality terms.

TonyWK