Cement in artery and stroke

[Loula]

Hello, 

I have bipolar1, OCD, PTSD and BPD. 

Last year my mum had 8 hour spinal surgery. They had to use rods, bolts and cement to put her spine into place.

A freak accident happened that’s only happened to 31 people in the world. Half has passed away and mum

was the first in the country. A large piece of cement found its way into a main artery that goes to the heart. At any second it could break of and piece her heart and she would be in heaven. She had to have emergency surgery and the chances of her surving was low. But she did thank Jesus. Because of this surgery she had to hernias that she had to have taken out and I’m already freaked about her going into

surgey again. She was fine. Due to the first surgery she had a leak in her spine that the surgeon gaslit for 6 months until a patch of fluid make its way to the bottom of her spine. she had a major headache and would sleep more then half the day. She started acting weird and forgetting things like she had dementia. 4 weeks ago she had to go to another state to

have surgery on her spinal

cord and they sewed it up and glued it. It takes 8 weeks to see if it works. 

During this time my father who told me he has not daughter and never wants to hear my voice had a major stroke. My uncle texted me about it. He was in hospital for 6 months. I was non stopped abused by the family for not helping out of visiting him. At the same time my best friend my grandad was diagnosed with liver cancer and went to heaven. I it’s been four months and I cry about it every day. I just found out yesterday my dad has had another stroke four weeks ago and it’s affected his speech. He’s desperately trying to get in my life but why would I want a man who hired a hit man to beat up my mum in my life? 

I’ve non stop been seeing psychologist, doctors, social workers and DBT coach and have adjusted my medication. 

but since I found out yesterday about dads stroke I’m fully broken. I’ve been snapping the last few weeks and not moving from the couch. My bipolar has been finally triggered and im on higher medication for it. Nothing can be done for my BPD except therapy which im

doing and taking relaxents for my PTSD. 

my whole family has rejected me as they dont want to face this so i have to look after mum. I dont have the energy for it nor am i a care giver or can do it. It’s making me violently sick. 

my friend live in different states and have not been there for me or asked about mums surgery so im ignoring them. 

I feel so sick 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Loula,

A very warm welcome to the forums,

I’m so deeply sorry you and your family is going through such a horrible time…I feel heartbroken for you sweetheart…

Maybe talking to a social worker at the hospital where your mum had her operation or where your dad was after his stroke to try to organise some type of home care/ help for you….When my late husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer the social worker organised for a nurse to visit every second day, to both care for my husband and answer any questions I had concerning my husbands health…

I was estranged from my father for many years, he was abusive and I was afraid of him….but years passed without any contact between us, then I heard that he passed away…I didn’t even go to his funeral…I have huge regrets for not seeing him before he passed away….and even more regret at not attending his funeral…..I wish many times that I forgave him and got to see him before his passing….regrets last a life time….Please dear Loula, if you can, try to forgive him and see him if you feel to…I read in your post that you are heart broken because of his stroke and must still love him….I shared what I did with my father to only try to help you to decide what you feel to do about visiting him….Its you’re choice Loula ….you must do what your heart tells you to do….

My kindest thoughts Dear Loula and a gentle caring hug 🤗..

Grandy..

[Loula]

Thank you so kindly for replying. 
 

I’m very sorry to hear about your late husband. When my Grandad was passing we had a lot of supports. 

Unfortunately mum doesn’t get it. The govement sucks for surgery recovery and the surgeon from where we live gaslit her for six months and she had the second surgery in a different place. 
 

it’s just my husband and I and her friends. 
 

no to my dad. He let me starve as a child and knew my step dad tried to kill me and never did anything about it. I can’t go there. I have a big heart but I’m not going to let him torture me with he’s abusive mind games he plays and if he doesn’t get what he wants I’m no longer his child. 
 

I can’t organise help for him as I’m not on his list of support only his brother is. But thankfully he has NDIS so hopefully they help big time. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Loula

I’m so sorry for the many challenges you are experiencing right now with your mum’s health issues, your dad’s health issues coupled with your unhealthy relationship and the loss of your grandfather—not to mention coping with several mental health conditions. You’ve really got a lot on your plate right now, so I’m not surprised that you are feeling sick. 
Recently I lost five people who I loved in the space of four months. Not the same situation as yours, but I felt very much like how you’ve described yourself. Alone, no energy, unable to cope with life and unwell. It was a time of just “getting through” and it took a lot of baby steps to get back on track.

I’d like to encourage you to focus on yourself right now. I know your mum needs support but you can’t help her if you’re not well.

I feel that you need to take some pressure off yourself by getting help to look after mum. Is mum still interstate in hospital or a rehabilitation centre? If not, whose care was she discharged into? Can her medical team help you to organise home care? Can you ask any of your support team to help you find support for mum?
While you’re sorting this out, please keep seeing your doctors, taking your medication and going to therapy. Try to get moving in the morning, shower and get dressed if you can. Maybe set yourself small goals for the day, go for a walk, cook a meal, eat something, etc.

Give yourself permission to do what you can and then rest. It’s okay to be on the couch if that’s all you can do but try to get moving each day and when you have success, try a little more the next day. Over time, your small steps will add up.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Kind thoughts to you 

[Loula]

I’m extremely sorry for your losses. It’s a horrible feeling I wouldn’t want to put on my worst enemy. 

It is a very horrible pain and trying to navigate around and also understand. 

Unfortunately zero help. 4th operation was done in another state as there’s only one specialist for it so we can’t get help for that except we can call the hospital and talk to any neuro surgeon when needed. They also do face call check ups. 

The other operations nothing. The medical system is broken. We only had help with Grandad. 

I am having all my psychology sessions and doctor appointments and have been taking my medication and new amounts. 

I think I’m going to leave it to my husband to do the cooking for mum. I’m just burnt out. Then dads is just throwing me and he’s in a different state as well and he’s lying to me saying the smokes he is smoking has made he’s voice box sore and that’s why he had a bad voice. 

My grandad had 11 strokes. I know what a speech problem from a stroke sounds like. 

Just wish I could get supports in place but again nothing which is hard to believe. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Loula, 🤗🌹..

Awe sweety, you’re really having a hard time and sound so defeated….a gentle caring hug 🤗( if that’s okay)…

Im just wondering if your parents are on Aged Care, if so they have some support services that might help you….Meals on Wheels, home cleaning, garden maintenance, home visits for companionship etc…or maybe even ask your psychologist if he/she has any ideas on getting you and your parents some help….

Sweetheart, you’re doing the best you can and it’s taking a toll on both your mental and physical health…Do you find time to take a break and just sit outside quietly for even a few minutes to unwind youself?….its so very important to take the best care of you that you can…We’ll done keeping up with your Drs, Psychology visits and taking your meds on time…

Good idea Loula, leaving the cooking for your mum to your husband…he sounds very supportive…

Kind thoughts Sweet Loula, 

Grandy..

[Summer Rose]

Hi Loula

Thanks for your kind words. I’m good now and you will be too, soon—just got to get through now.

Asking hubby to cook for mum is a great idea. If it’s too hard for him, you could try organising Meals on Wheels for mum. 
I know you’ve tried to get support for your parents and hit brick walls but maybe you could try calling your local council—just maybe they can help. 
Anglicare is a fantastic organisation offering a range of community support services. When you go to visit you actually get to speak with a community service worker with knowledge of all local services. You do, however, need to be “disadvantaged” to engage their services. I have no idea if this applies to you or mum but if it does it’s worth a try. Just Google to find your closest centre.

I’m sorry about your Dad lying to you. Perhaps, he’s seeking your attention? I’d try to put that out of your mind and remember to focus on you. 

You are doing your best and that’s all any of us can do.

Kind thoughts to you