Can't deal with it

[Paul_12am]

Through a bit ofof peer pressure I went to a brothel and cheated on my wife of 12 years I instantly regretted it and could not deal with it, I felt sick my heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest I was worried about stds even though it was protected, I couldn't live with my self so 3 days later I told my wife, she is a strong woman and sees I am a reck so we start to work it out, so as I am freaking out about stds I try to find out more about the brothel and the lady I was with when I come across some one on a forum say that lady was a boy once but had a full operation and now is woman, I don't know if I can live with that feeling, I spoke to the guy that took me and he said he has been with her and he thinks she is and always was a woman, I can't eat I can't sleep my mind won't switch off, I can't deal with this, I have been tested blood and urine waiting for results and I also saw a psychologist but that was before I found out about the sex change please help me

[trustlife]

Hi Paul,

You're tying yourself up in knots here. Which is worse, the actual mistake for which you felt instant regret or the mad runaway thoughts racing away in your head. I'd say you'll agree it's the latter. We need to stop those thoughts, so let's be practical.

It's enough that you made that mistake once without you now reliving it second by second again in your mind. Also, each time you re-visit it, it grows into something even weirder. Be it true or not. Get your test results confirmed and talk it through with your wife. I get the impression she's an understanding person so this is your time now to show her your trust. She will appreciate that. Remember, it's trust that got you both together. that's the building stone of your relationship. Rebuild. In that spirit of trust and forgiveness those silly evil thoughts cannot exist.

[white knight]

Hi

I don't think there are many people in thus planet that doesn't have a skeleton in their closet.

You can't change the past. Trust life had some sound advice. Re read it a few times.

Tony WK

[Gruffudd]

Hi Paul,

From what you say I can hear loud and clear that your wife is important to you and that you love women. What ever the history of the woman at the brothel is it doesn't change what your attraction is. You sound a lucky man to be married to your wife and that this is something you will be able to work through together. Let what happened be a mistake. Focus on the relationships and the people that matter to you.

All the best.

Rob.

[Gruffudd]

Hi Paul,

I just wanted to check in about the feelings around the HIV test, I can remember how scary it was the first time I had one, probably because of all of the possibilities of what might happen. In terms of risk, using protection definitely helps keep you safe, and you would have potentially been at greater risk if you had hooked up with some one from Tinder because they wouldn't be likely to get tested as regularly. Even so you are doing the right thing and can put your mind at rest. Do you need more information about the risk and how to keep the risk at a minimum?

Rob.