Breakup with BPD

[Scg9383]

Hi guys,

Me and my girlfriend, who suffered from BPD, recently broke up. We were very serious for a while, but she consistently tore out my heart. She manipulated me to the point that I kept coming back, And In the process I hurt myself, my friendships, and my family. 

But despite all of the pain and cruelty, I still

suffer from moments of intense longing for her, even though I know it's better for us to stay apart. 

i loved her so much, and I put my heart and soul in to making her happy, but in the end

I only destroyed my self, and my only choice was to save what was left of me. 

But when I get lonely, I think of her, and somehow all I want is her back.

i know what I'm really longing for is love, but there is something different about breaking up with a BPD

sufferer. 

I wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience, and if you have found love again. 

I know it sounds pathetic, but I am feeling so lonely and removed, and I know if I let her back in I will be so much worse off In the end.

please help

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[Guest_1584]

ps, sorry that was meant to say psychiatrist btw.

[No one on earth]

Hello randomx, its been very interesting learning more about BPD because of my on and off BF. He told me he had it (or I might of never knew where to look). I never expected to see myself looking into all this psychology stuff and what different developmental situations can affect you in personal relationships when your an adult. I've learned about the different ways BPD can present itself as well and the latest proposal of a new definition of the disorder in possibly the latest DSM. Yes the term BPD or NPD either gets thrown around a lot or maybe there are a lot of people who may have personality disorders. I am not too sure still, though both my exes fit so much of the criteria it made me have to learn so much about both BPD and NPD. I myself have found that I have had to go down the rabbit hole and visit some unpleasant facts about my own childhood and that I may be attracted to them because its familiar to me and I now think my mum might have BPD as well as ASD or something similar... she has always been crazily irrational and was so irrationally jealous with my dad, though I never remember seeing it. She left him when I was 8 and my family reunited when I was 30 something due to my brother having kids etc. She admitted driving home that she cheated on my dad. She was always a few screws loose and she still does crazy stuff in an emotional frenzy. My BPD ex serves as a lesson. As much as there will always be a part of me that will always love him and I feel tortured now as I know we can never be together as a happy couple because of his disorder. I know I cannot wait for ifs, as there is no chance for happiness,  he cannot love himself and he certainly does not know to love another either. Its very sad I wish him all the best. I am so lucky I am not jaded or messed up in the same way and that I have a chance for real happiness if I can just heal the things that need to be healed from my own past. Glad you have moved on randomx sorry for the rant but its my BPD story.