Break up in Lockdown

[JamesS]

Hi all,

I'm struggling at the moment to process a break up, which has only been amplified by the ongoing lockdown.

We were only together for about half a year, but I had developed a deep love and empathy for this person. We ended things, because she needed along time to process her own personal emotions from a previous relationship. I tried to make things work with her, but after a month of trying I had to draw a line a walk away. Now it has been one week since we last spoke.

I am someone who thrives being in a relationship, I don't like being alone for the most part. It's daunting in the current environment, as its impossible both to meet new people and to spend quality time with friends and family. I haven't been able to see any family members for almost 4 months. I try to keep bust by focusing on my work, which I am very grateful to have, and have tried to keep in touch with old friends. But I feel lonely, and heartbroken at times.

I have hope that things will get better. I know that eventually things will return to normal and I will be able to meet someone who I can form a relationship with. But I struggle with not knowing how long it will be before I can find fulfilment agains. These lockdowns are hard and they really push your resilience. I wish I could get in my car and drive and see my dad and brother. That would make all the difference.

Happy to get your thoughts and feedback, stay safe everyone.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi JamesS,

Sorry to hear about your break up. I too went thru a somewhat similar experience where my partner decided to end things with me a few months ago. She felt it wasn't the right time for her, and she was not in the right mental state to be continuing with the relationship. It was a painful breakup as I loved her very much, and the break up was blind sided to me. Months have passed now and things are certainly better than before. Some times I'd still think about her here and there, and there are moments where I'd feel sad about losing her as well. But comparing to when the break up was still fresh, I can assure you time heals and you'll feel better eventually.

Realizing that when you love someone, you want what's best for them. If they feel that what's best for them is to leave the relationship, we can only respect their decision and move on. But it's as you said, it's hard to say goodbye to someone whom you love so deeply. It's not easy to disassociate all the feelings from the wonderful memories that you've had with that person, and every time we do so, it hurts more and more. I found understanding the stages of grief, and acknowledging all the emotions I feel from the break up, to be really helpful for the healing process. You have every right to be feeling upset/angry/disappointed/sad. Talking to someone about your thoughts and emotions also helps a lot too, so don't hesitate to share more on the forums if it makes you feel better. We're all here for you JamesS.

Jt

[Aliceee11]

Dear JamesS,

Sorry to hear what happened to you, I have been experiencing a similar situation and I know breaking up during lockdown is so hard. When the world was normal, people had more ways to distract themselves after a breakup, but those options are just not available anymore.

My ex broke up with me during the lockdown. We used to stay together every day during the lockdown and he was basically the only human I interacted with in real life. I do feel a huge void after he left and I'm still trying to make myself feel better. Then changes I made after the breakup include: talk to a therapist, bought a tv (so there's sound in my apartment), running a new path (we used to run together so I avoided those paths we shared in the past) and thinking about adopting a cat.

Hope this lockdown will end soon and we can get back some kind of normality.

[JamesS]

Hey all,

thanks for the kind and thoughtful messages. Its now been several months, and the pain still feels very strong. I have to hold back from getting back in contact with her. I'm trying hard to stay strong, but I am finding it hard to meet new people, and I am feeling really lonely at the moment. I hope this will pass, I try every day to stay strong, but its hard without love in your life. Any advice very much appreciated.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi JamesS,

It's good to hear from you again. You're doing great holding back from contacting her. Healing from a heartbreak will definitely take time, and I can assure you the pain will subside over time.

Perhaps take some time off for yourself, and show yourself some self-love and self-care. Treat yourself to a nice meal, or allow yourself to let loose and relax from daily chores and mundane things. Visit friends and family members. You can always find love within yourself (not in a narcistic sense, but the feeling of respecting yourself for the person who you are, and to never stop growing).

I would recommend working on yourself as well, and explore what it is that's making it difficult for you to meet new people, and what it is that's making you feeling really lonely as well. Explore ways of moving forward, and be kind to yourself when you feel like you've regressed in your healing process. I hope that helps, and happy to chat with you more too JamesS.

Jt