Being ignored by my boys.

[Leeem]

Hi im a mother of 3 children of whom by eldest 2 boys have notspoken to me for just over 12 months now. its the hardest thing i have had to make light of in my life. i feel i have contributed alot to them being a very supportive parent ( single for many of them) and worked very hard when they were younger to give them eveything they needed and wanted. they never had much of relationship with their father when younger but now he is their main influence. they are 21 and 18 , they also have a little sister whom is 12.

I have sent messages, tried to ring, tried to visit, send christmas cards, birthday cards, and never any reply. its consuming me, and i dont know how to deal with it. its making me a blubbering mess everytime someone asks me about them. Or if i have to do anything family orientated i tend not participate, or if i do its the minimum just for my daughter. Please help .

[Doolhof]

Hi Leeem,

Sometimes I find relationships in general difficult. I know I have mental health issues that don't help.

I've recently spent some time with my parents, it went okay, and parts of it didn't. I just try to concentrate on the good bits!

I've had friendships that have disintegrated and I have had no idea why.

It is really hard to know why we act the way we do. Us humans are a strange mob sometimes!

I guess all you can do is keep in touch and see what happens. I really do hope that your situation changes.

Unfortunately some relationships do end. It can hurt and be confusing. That is when I try and do something nice for myself, like buy myself a bunch of flowers.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Leeem]

Not much help but thanks.

[Croix]

Dear Leem~

I really feel for you, sometimes children can be a real and continuing disappointment, and the choices they make we are stuck with.

It is very obvious the depth of love you have for all three of your kids, and I'd be surprised if in the long term it did not have a positive effect. I would also not be surprised if your two boys do not feel uncomfortable and guilty with their actions, which itself may make for another barrier.

In time, particularly when in contact with their younger sister, they may well change.

I know it does not seem any real help, and you may think it missing the point, but please try to make your life as full and enjoyable as you can - for your sake and your daughters. At the moment things are out of your hands, so the only recourse you have is for distraction and building an example of a steadfast and sensible life. You daughter will benefit, having a mum who can step outside adversity, a life skill every youngster needs.

I hope this makes some sort of sense.

Croix